Did you know there's such a thing as National Etiquette Week? And that it's happening right fucking now?
Of course there is. This is America, motherfuckers.
Well, while the rest of the country is practicing their table manners and shit, we in Ohio apparently don't give a damn, according to a recent study conducted by Seattle-based Marchex Institute.
The bitches at Marchex apparently listened in on 600,000 calls placed from consumers to businesses across 30 different industries, and found that out of all 50 states, Ohioans are most likely to go AWOL on the phone.
Washington state was the least likely to curse. They swore about every 300 conversations; we dropped expletives about every 150 exchanges.
According to the findings, Washingtonians were also 800 times more likely to be afraid of caterpillars and use only anti-bacterial soap, while Ohioans were 46 times more likely to crush beer cans with their hands or eat store-bought apples before they even washed them.
We're guessing Washingtonians probably say things like, "Bejabbers!" or "Criminy!" when shit goes wrong. And that's just fuckin' lame.
Oh, and guys, don't forget — tomorrow is National Sea Monkey Day.
On April 29, 1972, Kings Island opened its gates for the first time, welcoming guest from Cincinnati and across the country to its world of rides, games and overpriced snacks. The next year, America watched the country’s first family visit that very park — no, not the Nixons, the Bradys! In an episode filmed Aug. 20-24 1974 that first aired on Nov. 23, The Brady Bunch’s architect dad Mike pitched some expansion plans for the park and brought the whole gang along to enjoy attractions like Hanna-Barbera Land and The Racer.
Forty years later,
the Bradys are at it again. Barry
Williams (Greg Brady), Christopher Knight (Peter Brady) and Susan Olsen (Cindy
Brady) will return to Kings Island May 19 for four live shows, autographs and photo ops.
Am I the only one who had no idea Cincinnati’s Golden Child, Nick Lachey, has ties to the Kardashian Klan?! Nick and Kim dated briefly in 2006 after he and Jessica Simpson split, and in a recent interview with Details, Nick reveals the shocking claim that Kim LIVES for the papz, who somehow showed up during a private date. Thank God he ended up with former MTV VJ, Vanessa Minnillo. They seem to have a relatively normal, happy relationship and I can say this with confidence because I regularly read her mommy/lifestyle blog even though I don’t have a baby or a life. :-/
Hey, check out this sloth and cat hanging out:
Now, I know I’m about to get tarred and feathered for dissing sloths, but watching this, I kept thinking sloth was about to hand-deliver cat to death’s door. Kristen Bell, please don’t hate me.
NBC will debut a new comedy May 23 that takes place (but is not actually filmed) in suburban Cincinnati. Save Me stars Anne Heche as a housewife who develops the ability to communicate with God after a near-death experience, and she lives in none other than "Indian Hills." As a lifelong Cincinnati resident, I find it impossible to say “Indian Hills” without an unsophisticated twang. It sounds like how us simple peasant folk would mistakenly identify the most affluent neighborhood in Cincinnati. Indian Heels. In fact, I could swear that when I got accepted into a certain all-girls private institution for high school and my parents tried to politely warn me that all my friends would be richer than me, they said, “You’ll probably meet a lot of girls who live in Indian Hills!”
A scathing email that the president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland sent to her sorority sisters has been making its rounds this week and, in case you missed it, here’s Michael Shannon’s dramatic reading of the text. Because if anyone can make this insane, delusional letter seem any crazier, it’s Nelson Van Alden.
The video is NSFW, unless you happen to work as a Delta Gamma house mother.
Upon reading recent entertainment news, you may find yourself wondering, “Are awards shows are still happening?” The answer is yes, but not anything that really counts.
The MTV Movie Awards took place Monday night, hosted by the Australian fireball that is Rebel Wilson. She’s stolen scenes in Bridesmaids, Pitch Perfect and Workaholics, and while she made a good host for the second-rate, teen-targeted show, it was kind of disappointing that 90 percent of her jokes were about either her vagina or her weight. Other low points included Taylor Lautner’s attempt at comedy (Side Note: How will the MTV Movie Awards live on now that the Twilight series is over?), Selena Gomez’s possibly offensive Bollywood-inspired performance and the fact that the whole production was essentially a giant lead-up to the premiere of the Hunger Games: Catching Fire trailer (Oh, that’s how the show will continue…).
But there were some quality moments, namely during the Comedic Genius award presentation.
Peter Dinklage presented this prestigious prize to Will Ferrell (they worked together in Elf) and you could tell that The Dinks was thinking, “Don’t these people know I am Tyrion Lannister? I am too good for this shit,” the whole damn time. Ferrell came out in a money-printed suit, dropping classic WF hilarity (aka saying literally anything in his Ron Burgundy voice) and sufficiently creating plenty of buzz for the forthcoming Anchorman sequel. The best part, however, was when a shwasted Aubrey Plaza stormed the stage during Will’s acceptance speech. With glazed-over eyes, a plastic cup of booze and “# The To Do List,” (her upcoming movie) written on her chest, the actress hopped onstage, half-heartedly tried to grab the popcorn award from Will’s hands, quickly realized how this looked to everyone else, then ran back to her seat. Ferrell did not take this opportunity to embarrass her further, as she clearly regretted the stunt immediately.