Plenty of people have a favorite celebrity couple. You've got Jay-Z and Beyonce, Posh and Becks, Jada and Will Smith and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — a couple so famous together, they've morphed into one entity known as Brangelina. Side note: I had a Friends-obsessed high school pal who quite literally slipped into a bout of depression when Brad dumped Jennifer Aniston for Angie. The topic of famous duos is really no laughing matter.
I spent the last week in Mexico and I realized two things: A) I have a freakish inability to tan. I mean, seriously, if it’s possible, I left Mexico whiter than when I arrived. And Two) somebody needs to regulate the sale of skimpy bathing suits.
So it’s almost the weekend again, which means what? A bar? A party? Ehhhh. Sometimes that gets old and you need a little extra something-something in your weekend. I know I do. Last weekend my friend and I got really bored at the Northside Tavern (I think that was because everyone we knew was at Grammars, which I thought burned down, and it was only like 9:30 p.m.). Instead of sitting around getting wasted in the 'Side, we decided to shake things up a bit and go to the Brass Ass.
So I’ve watched the MTV Movie Awards about three times since they originally aired on Sunday, and it’s not because I think the host Andy Samberg is a really funny, sexy Jew, which he is. I’m on a boat. Whatever. And it’s not because I have nothing better to do. I do. I just bought a house and I have to paint it and stuff. And I need to do laundry. It’s because I had no effing idea how hot Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron are. What the fuck? Right?
I've always assumed when growing up that every white, middle class suburban kid went through a Punk Rock phase in their lives. That assumption was put to rest by my girlfriend who has been dedicated to Cat Power and other depressing bands since she was introduced to music.
Looking at the artwork of a friend of mine, I started thinking about how his work related to the fashion and style around us. Clint Colburn is a Lexington based artist known for using circles of all sizes to create a larger harmony within a larger picture. This works the same within the fashion realm. Each component works in harmony with the other components, resulting in a larger piece or product. There is a beauty and a science to it, all at the same time.
For those of you who are in the loop of the fashion blog-o-sphere, you may already know of Style Rookie aka Tavi G. For anyone who has no idea what I’m talking about, meet Tavi, the 13-year-old girl who runs Style Rookie, a blog dedicated to clothing and all things fashion.
Last night around 9:30 I was just minding my own business, watching some harmless comedy shows on demand when a commercial came on that piqued my interest via a typically dumb interaction between a dude talking to a babe in a bikini. I was waiting for some type of cliché to end the interaction between the two — something like a beer-commercial crotch shot or the woman doing something weird like licking an ice cube — when the story took a most-surprising turn: the dude in the scene was gay.
The woman sits down on a beach chair next to the guy, who
is squinting into his iPad-looking device like a dork. She starts
reading her Kindle like the sun is no big deal and he says: "That's a
Woman: "Yeah, it's the new Kindle Paperwhite."
Man: "I love to read at the beach, but..."
Woman: "This is perfect at the beach. And, with the built in light, I can read anywhere anytime."
Woman: "With your book?"
Man: Nope. "I just bought a Kindle Paperwhite." *Leans toward her.* "We should celebrate."
Woman: "My husband's bringing me a drink right now."
Man: "So is mine."
Husbands waive from the bar.
I watched it again this morning (the email I sent myself on the subject after having several beers and talking about sports all evening only says: “Gay kindle commercial. What does that commercial mean?”), and it’s actually pretty genius. Gay-rights groups have pointed out that this type of media is following steps taken by shows like Ellen and Modern Family, which depict gay couples as pretty much ordinary anymore.
Check it out here:
Naturally, some people on the Internet think it’s way icky.
And organizations like One Million Moms (a weird, conservative Christian group that should be named something more like “One Million Mean Moms.” Ha.) took exception to it. OMMMs wrote this: “We have Amazon's Kindle Paperwhite commercial that promotes gay marriage. Instead of Amazon remaining neutral in the culture war while showcasing how their product has no glare even at the beach, they chose to promote sin.”
People flagged the ad as inappropriate enough times on YouTube that it was briefly taken down for review, but it was posted back on the site later.
I just found out that tractor pulls aren’t nearly as cool as I thought they were. I, being a city boy, had no idea what they were all about. Turns out, a tractor pull involves a tractor — get this — pulling shit.
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, like I said, I’m just a poor city boy, but isn’t that what tractors are supposed to do? Pull shit? And there are 21 different organizations (as recognized by Wikipedia) devoted to this “sport?” I am supremely underwhelmed.
Forgive me for stereotyping, but I envisioned some big, buff, corn-fed good-old-boy pulling a two-ton tractor with his fucking teeth. Or at least jumping a herd of flaming cattle while Farmer Dan shoots skeet (not that kind of skeet — I mean the one with shotguns and clay pigeons where people yell “pull!” and work out their sexual inadequacies by shooting really big guns). That’s like using a “brass knuckle paperweight” as a paperweight, or Google Image Search to look up something other than porn. I mean, using something for what it is intended for is incredibly passé. I’m boycotting all state and county fairs until they make tractor pulls significantly more awesome.
- In other news, Americans take their Harry Potter very seriously. If you’ve ever been to a midnight book release or showing of one of the movies, you know what I’m talking about. Hundreds of
virgins enthusiasts dressed up as their favorite magical persons, directly flouting the authority of the Holy See and all of those other people who want to destroy my childhood.
But the British … don’t fuck with the British when it comes to their favorite angsty, sexually repressed, greasy, hung-like-a-grape (yeah, I saw Equus. Or at least the pictures. What? I was curious!) national hero. In Britain, across the pond, where they speak the queen’s English and actually think Hugh Grant is a good actor, some punk kid (no doubt a greasy, angst-ridden teenager who identified with our pasty-faced hero) threw bleach on a woman, harshly burning her for “disrespecting” him during the newest movie. Apparently she was telling him to be quiet for making out too loudly with his girlfriend (left hand).
- Speaking of sexually repressed, Vladimir Putin is fucking buff. In a flashback to the Cold War, after seeing online photos of President Obama shirtless, Former Russian President Vladimir Putin engaged in his own version of one-upmanship by displaying his (old ass) weapons of mass destruction in shirtless photos from his vacation. The photos included Putin fishing, riding a horse and chilling by a stream. The Times Online reported that, “The photos will inevitably trigger mass swooning by women all over Russia — as well as unfavourable comparisons of their husbands to Mr. Putin’s manly physique. They will also confirm the Russian Prime Minister’s status as a gay icon.” America quickly responded with “our president could beat up your former president and shadowy-seat-of-power-behind-the-current-administration.”
Image: A tractor trying really hard to do what it was built to do.