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by Hannah McCartney 11.13.2013
Posted In: Fun, Culture, Humor, Life at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
 
 
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Penis Sighting at Nippert Stadium

There was a 100-yard penis at UC yesterday and nobody told us about it

UPDATED 3:29 P.M. "This definitely puts Nippert Stadium in a hard place."
"He just wanted to stick it to the man."
"Hopefully the dean doesn't blow up in his face." — Staff writer German Lopez

UPDATED 3:28 P.M. "If that prankster doesn't keep it up, he might just get off with a warning." — Hannah McCartney

UPDATED 3:22 P.M. "You didn't say anything about this guy potentially getting caught and getting the shaft
." — Staff writer Ge
rman Lopez

Snow angels are for rookies. And snow penises, evidently, are for University of Cincinnati students.

Somehow the folks at Hypervocal and Uproxx caught wind of this before us because we spent all morning trying to fix our blogging system, but someone took advantage of Monday night's snowfall in a non-traditional way, if by non-traditional you mean drawing a humongous awkwardly and disproportionately-shaped penis on the field at University of Cincinnati's Nippert Stadium.

According to the Hypervocal and Uproxx stories, a UC student took a photo of the public work of art and Tweeted the image, but deleted it later because she felt guilty about it . Of course, by then it was too late, and now it will live down in penis-themed viral web content forever.

I want to make a lot of jokes about this, but Hypervocal and Uproxx have already had a BALL doing that themselves.

Jizz Angle



No word yet if the student has been PENalized.
 
 
by Jac Kern 04.19.2011
Posted In: Travel, Music, Fun, Culture, Concerts, Reviews at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
 
 

48 Hours In Nashville: Part One

I spent a recent weekend in Music City attending Rites of Spring, an annual music festival presented by Vanderbilt University. My boyfriend Jeff and I were on a mission — a mission to cram in as much Nashville goodness as possible in a short weekend.

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by Chelsea Spata 06.13.2013
Posted In: Drinking, Fun at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Christian Moerlein to Continue Brewery Tours on Weekends

After such success during the Taste of Cincinnati weekend, the Christian Moerlein Brewing Company will continue to offer weekend tours of their brewery on Moore Street in Over-the-Rhine.

The brewery was open for public tours for the Taste, but not everyone was able to make it in for a look into the new brewing facility and tap room. The free tours will lead patrons through the production brewery and the underground Malt House from the pre-prohibition Kauffman Brewery. Tours conclude with a craft beer tasting and plenty of food from local food trucks.

Tours will include information about the various Moerlein beers sold in the area as well as the process by which they are crafted. Visitors will also enjoy a lesson in Moerlein food pairing that features dining selections from local restaurants.

The Moerlein Brewing Company, opened in 1853 after high demand from German immigrants, has exported beers throughout Cincinnati and to Europe and South America. After the fall of the brewery during the “dark age” of prohibition, the Moerlein name was restored in 1981. Christian Moerlein Select Lager, the first American beer to pass the Reinheitsgebot Bavarian Purity Law, was known for its taste and simplicity, containing only malted barley, hops, water and yeast.

Gregory Hardman, a Cincinnati “beer baron,” purchased Christian Moerlein in 2004. Still committed to crafting quality, great-tasting beers, the Moerlein Brewing Company is reaching out to the Cincinnati community and offering residents and visitors an opportunity to engage themselves with one of Cincinnati’s most well-known traditions.

“We were thrilled with the public’s response to our tours during ‘Taste’ weekend,” said Hardman in a press release. “We are extending our tours through the weekends to give everyone a chance to visit our new brewing facility.” Tours will explore modern craft brewing processes as well as brewing techniques specific to the Cincinnati area.

Christian Moerlein now boasts a variety of beers and lagers including Moerlein OTR Ale, Moerlein Lager House, Moerlein Barbarossa Double Dark, Moerlein Northern Liberties IPA, Moerlein Seven Hefeweizen, and Moerlein Seasonal Selections. Moerlein beers and lagers are available on tap at a number of local pubs and restaurants and in bottles at retail stores.

The brewery will be open every Friday through Sunday for tours. Tours will begin at the following times: Fridays at 5 and 7 p.m.; Saturdays at 1, 3, 5 and 7 p.m.; Sundays at 1, 3 and 5 p.m. The Christian Moerlein Craft Brewery, Tap Room and Tour Center is located in the Kaufman Pre-Prohibition Brewery Complex, 1621 Moore Street. Ample parking is available in adjacent lots. For more information, visit christianmoerlein.com.

 
 
by Hannah McCartney 11.06.2013
Posted In: Fun, Drinking, Culture at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
 
 
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Cincinnati's Trivia Nights

Here are places you can marry your loves for drinking and being nerdy

Nerds tend to gravitate toward other nerds because it's okay to talk about things like Star Wars, city referendums and why Apple products are superior to anything that is not an Apple product. Social drinkers tend to like hanging out with other social drinkers so that everyone's jokes seem funnier and it feels OK to eat enough nachos to serve a small family or do things like jump in public fountains.

Much like peanut butter and jelly or Wes Anderson movies and white people, when combined these two traits form a harmonious swirl of glee and whimsy.

There are myriad watering holes around Cincinnati with trivia nights featuring prizes and all sorts of food and drink specials and cash prizes for winning teams. Here are a bunch organized by day. 


MONDAYS:

Brew House 

 Mondays, 7:30-9:30 p.m., 1047 E. McMillan St., Walnut Hills, (513) 961-9058
Win gift certificates to the Brew House.

Mount Lookout Tavern

Mondays, 8 p.m., 3209 Linwood Ave., Mount Lookout, (513) 871-9633
$50 1st Place. 

Neons Unplugged

Mondays, 7 p.m., 208 E. 12th St., Over-the-Rhine, (513) 827-9361.


TUESDAYS:

Jefferson Social

Tuesdays, 10 p.m., 101 East Freedom Way, The Banks, (513) 381-2623.
$40 1st Place.

Mayday 
Tuesdays, 8 p.m., 4227 Spring Grove Ave., Northside, (513)-541-0999
 
Willie’s Western Hills
Tuesdays, 9 p.m., and Thursdays, 7 p.m., 6380 Glenway Ave., Western Hills, (513)-922-3377

WEDNESDAYS:

Avenue Brew 

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 310 Fairfield Ave., Bellevue, Ky., (859) 261-4381

Flipdaddy’s

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 7453 Wooster Pike, Mariemont, (513) 272-2337

Keystone Hyde Park 

Wednesdays, 8 p.m., 3384 Erie Ave., Hyde Park, (513) 321-2150.
Drink specials, $40 1st Place.

Molly Malone’s

Wednesdays, 8 p.m., 112 E. 4th St., Covington, Ky., (859)-491-6659
$2 draft special and prizes.


Longworth's

Wednesdays, 8 p.m. 1108 Gregory St., Mount Adams, (513)-651-2253
Drink specials, 1/2 price apps.


Next Chapter

Wednesdays, 7 p.m., 940 Pavilion St., Mount Adams, (513)-381-1905


THURSDAYS:

Beer Sellar

Thursdays, 8 p.m., 301 Riverboat Row, Newport, Ky., (859) 431-6969
$35 1st Place - $20 for best team name.


Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments.
 
 
by Jac Kern 05.13.2011
Posted In: Is this for real?, Life, Fun at 11:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Press Release of the Day

Deciding which route to take in disciplining children is surely a tough decision. The closest thing I have to spawn is a gang of pets, and they don't know "sit" from "shut the hell up," so I guess training a little human would be even harder.

Today, it seems two extreme concepts of discipline stand out (usually while I'm shopping at a seedy Kroger location): the pulling-the-kid-by-the-arm-while-yelling-at-and-occasionally-spanking-them-onlooking-shoppers-be-damned or the children-deserve-freedom-and-isn't-he-adorable-shit-momma-needs-a-break. Surely, there's a happy medium between publicly berating your 4-year-old and falling into a dopey gaze as you let the kid scale shelves in aisle 6B. Thankfully, that's where Potty Mouth Soap comes in!

Made locally in Maineville, Ohio, creators of Potty Mouth Soap promise effective use of their product will help "nip the lip." The press release, sent to myself at CityBeat's office, is quite well-written, featuring enough alliteration to make Carrie Bradshaw squeal:

"Sick of the sass? Tired of the talking back?…Potty Mouth Soap is an all-natural, safe way to help discipline your kids. What's more, it's fun and effective." Fun? Just tell that to Ralphie.

soap_poisoning.jpg

It was...soap POISONING!

Not sure if it's effective, but hilariously (?) enough, there is a link to this video on Potty Mouth Soap's homepage:


The release continues:

"It's made with all-natural, non-toxic ingredients including coconut oil, palm oil and purified water. So when your little darling dares to sass you can feel completely safe when placing Potty Mouth Soap at the edge of their mouth. And that yucky taste will help nip the lip that you're so fed up with."


I know what you're thinking. "My kids are the worst when we're in public, but how can I keep a bar of soap in my purse?" Potty Mouth Soap gotchu.

Enter Potty Mouth Spray. This portable "Cinnamint" mouth spray if perfect for Krogering. The website warns, "Don't leave home without it!"

On the "How to Use Potty Mouth Soap" tab are four YouTube videos above the text that's printed on the press release. One would think these would be how-to videos on soaping your kids, or examples of children who need to be soaped. The videos include one of
a baby "biting" (but really placing her toothless mouth upon) a dog, the infamous "David After the Dentist" and "Charlie Bit Me."


Now in Auto-Tune form

Now, it kind of seems like the soap method might just teach kids to shove gross things in people's mouths when they say something they don't like, but I'm no parent. I guess I've come across some 9-year-olds who might deserve to get soaped, but a freaking baby? They don't even know how to make words yet! And seriously, no person should ever be accountable for what they say when high, after the dentist or otherwise.

"Gotta teach 'em young," you say? "This is probably better than the belt method." Well, bars and spray are $3-$5 a pop and include a sticker reward chart for positive behavior.

soap_in_mouth.jpg

No gold star for you!

 
 
by Jac Kern 12.09.2011
Posted In: Culture, Events, Fun, Northside, Music at 10:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Your Weekend To Do List: 12/9-12/11

Santa Claus is coming to town a little early this year. SantaCon kicks off at noon Saturday, when Santas of all sorts will gather on Fountain Square, then disperse around the city, singing, passing out candy and bringing holiday cheer to area bars and restaurants. To participate, email santa@cincinnatisantacon.com and follow @CincySantacon on Twitter to find them around town.

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by Christine Mersch 07.08.2010
Posted In: Fun, Holidays at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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A Thrilling, Memorable Trip to South Africa

The large signs started showing up right outside of Ellis Park as we drove to the USA vs. Slovenia soccer match: "Johannesburg is ready." Sure, these signs were meant to tell foreigners that South Africa had everything in order for the 2010 World Cup. But they also seemed to be a pep-me-up for South Africans, as if the signs were saying, "Johannesburg is ready. Right, guys? Right?"

Before I left on my trip to South Africa to enjoy the World Cup, plenty of people tried to discourage me. My mom said it was too dangerous, and my friends wondered why I'd want to fly that far just for a soccer game.

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by Jac Kern 02.01.2012
Posted In: TV/Celebrity, Life, Culture, Fun at 01:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
 
 
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Shit Cincinnatians Say


I guess it was only a matter of time. The Shit Girls Say viral phenomenon has sparked hundreds of knock-offs: Shit Black Guys Say, Shit Girls Say to Gay Guys, Shit Nobody Says are among my favorites. Now, we have our own.

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by Jac Kern 05.24.2011
Posted In: Is this for real?, Fun, Animals, Life at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 

Dealing With Humans: Cincinnati Zoo Edition

I like to think of myself as a pretty normal person, perfectly capable of interacting with a variety of other humans. I watch bad television and sometimes shop at Wal-Mart, yet I enjoy ethnic food and DIY projects. MFin' renaissance woman. But sometimes, despite a breadth of interests and activities, I cannot deal with people. Enter the Cincinnati Zoo.

This Sunday, instead of burying my head under a pillow until 1 p.m., the boyfriend and I decided to pay a visit to the yearly Zoo Babies attraction. The weather was sunny and warm, and neither of us were hungover - a perfect and rare opportunity to look at little animals.

Nearly anyone can enjoy a trip to the zoo, but I know very well that this type of attraction is particularly appealing to little humans - children. And sometimes children don't know how to walk yet or their biological walking timers shut off and they need assistance, i.e. strollers. I know they're necessary, but some of these devices are more comparable to a slightly smaller Prius. Of course, you have to let kids cut in front of your or you're a total bitch. But, god damnit, I paid $14 to be here and I want to see the manatees, too.

So what are you supposed to do? Wait patiently for the throng of toddlers to peep new baby giraffe, Zuri and then try your damnedest to see past their gooey fingerprints smudging the glass window once it's your turn.

Strollers suck (though they're much more obtrusive at packed festivals - watch out for those bad boys this weekend at The Taste!), but Sunday I found a worse alternative that I thought only existed as a joke in the '90s - baby leashes. I witnessed countless seemingly behaved youngsters strapped in a fuzzy, cuddly, stuffed-animal themed LEASH. How lazy of a parent do you have to be to think the best way to prevent your kid from jumping into the polar bear cave is to attach them to a harness?


                                      However, it's another issue if you're hypoglycemic and hyperactive. A hyper-hypo.

You better believe I gave a big old side-eye to each of these parents. For the love of god, go back to the tricked out, view-obstructing, toe-crushing stroller! Anything is better than a child leash.

Thankfully, dedicated individuals have devoted their time to stop this injustice.

Of course, there's another group of humans that left me mimicking the gorillas:

Gorilla_western_lowland_stern_face.jpg

                                             The I-don't-give-a-fuck crew.

So we're in the Jungle Trails, a peaceful, shaded area with plenty of space and lots of cool creatures. I'm just trying to get a good view of a zebra when I hear a stern, "Excuse me. There is no smoking anywhere in the zoo." Now, this dude was kind of dickish, gettin' up in somebody's bidness while wiping his kid from head to toe with sanitizer. But, holy shit, some bitch was actually smoking a cig by the animals! She quickly extinguished her smoke (possibly into the animal sanctuary - I was trying not to stare) with a raspy "Sah-ree." With that, it was time to escape to the air-conditioned nocturnal animal space.

It was pretty dark and kind of hard to see these critters (hello, nocturnal!) and one particularly grimy child next to me began smacking the window next to me.

"Wake up! Where is it?" he shouted, as a little partner in crime joined him in glass-banging. Half-concerned for the adorable lemur on the other side, half-worried someone might mistake these shit heads as my own offspring, I used my best waitress voice and said, "Hey guys, we shouldn't tap on the glass, OK?" and pointed to the dozens of signs suggesting the same. They continued.

We made our way back outside, to see my most anticipated animals, the bonobos. These apes share 98.7% of DNA with humans and are completely capable of learning many people things, like understanding English and using American Sign Language. (Side note: I'm half-way through Water for Elephants author's latest novel Ape House, in which bonobos play a huge role. It's a great read.) They're sweet.

Once again, I found myself behind a bunch of kids who probably can't pronounce bonobo and probably won't remember seeing them, but I kept my patient pants on. Until grimy kid #1 resurfaced…on the other side of a rope barrier, pounding on the gate. Sure enough, the brat belonged to cig lady who, at this point was enjoying (her fifth?) draft beer.

"C'mon, stop it. You're not supposed to be there," she yawned.

"I wanna see if he'll attack me! I wanna see if he'll attack me!"

This continued for a few minutes. I felt my mouth drop and I turned around to see I wasn't the only one in awe. Anyone who makes me feel like I'd be a competent mother has some serious issues. Maybe child leashes are appropriate in certain situations.

I guess I didn't really learn how to better cope with people, but I did discover this: animals are way cooler than humans, and their babies are cuter.

 
 
by Jac Kern 12.16.2011
Posted In: Events, Music, Shopping, Holidays, Fun, Concerts, bikes at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
 
 
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Your Weekend To Do List: 12/16-12/18

With the holidays right around the corner, this weekend promises plenty of twinkling lights, Christmas songs and the one gift the three wise men forgot: booze.

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