What should I be doing instead of this?
July 13th, 2009 By Charlie Gibson | The Morning After | Posted In: Charlie's Corner

Charlie's Corner: Is Cincinnati Getting Hotter?


Every time I visit other cities or countries I tend to notice how attractive people are compared to my hometown. If you go to New York City, yeah you are going to see movie stars and models, but the population in general always seems to be more attractive than any of the major cities in the Midwest.

Ever since I returned home from South Korea, I've started to notice the increase of babes around the Tri-State area. When I meet up with friends at local drinking establishments, I find myself distracted from the conversation due to the smooth skin honeys that cross into my view. One theory I have is that it’s not just how people look, but it’s how they are starting to present themselves nowadays. Perhaps DAAP has finally made its mark in the community and people are actually starting to care a little more about how they look when they roll out of bed and open that door to the big wide world. It could be that MAC is giving away tons of makeup and actually teaching girls how to apply lipstick and foundation instead of just slapping it on like a Jackson Pollock painting.

One of my many other jobs requires me to ask one simple question to 30,000 fans at the Cincinnati Reds baseball games, "Would you like a free picture for Reds.com?" Since I work on commission and quotas I literally have to ask every single person that I encounter at the game if they want a picture. To avoid making eye contact with weirdoes I wear sunglasses and let my eyes wander while the robot in my brain takes over the conversation. While I explain what the Internet is to grandma, my eyes start to scan the background looking for unique characters to judge and mock inside my head. Instead of finding overweight dads with a mouth full of hot dogs, I just seem to be running across babes in shorty shorts. I started doing the numbers in my brain from the last time I worked at the Reds games about four years ago and I came across some interesting findings. There are more babes per capita in this city than there was in 2005. Using this information I came up with the theory of "Cincinnati Babe Climate Change.”

The cities babe-o-graph has sky rocketed in the past couple years making Cincinnati “Hotter.” Now I'm not just staring at boobs all day, I also notice the attractive males around the area as well. Men are starting to care about their physical features just as much as the girls (chest grooming is now a standard at the barbershop). The men of Cincinnati are slimming down and finally getting rid of all that gel in their hair. Sure there are still tons of class-ring-wearing dudes that are sporting cargo shorts, two or three flipped collars and Oakley sunglasses that make your eyes look fast. But the majority are spotted wearing snugger-fitting jeans and keeping it simple with a plain V-neck, to show off that recently groom chest hair.

The hotness seems to have staying power as well in this community we call the 'Nati. The babies and the wee ones are certainly cute kids and hopefully with the new fangled idea of eating non-processed food and Dr. Phil calling the kettle black by yelling at fat people, they will keep their good looking faces and not end up like their fatso parents (the baby boomers are a lost cause). I have seen more homemade snacks and empty water bottles littering the stadium after the games, which means not as many cubbies chowing down on foot longs and packed nachos like the ones Danny Cross loves so much.

I’m not sure what triggered this increase in hotness in Cincinnati, but I am surely enjoying my job a little more. Flirting with babes all day is a lot better than talking about how sweaty and fat people will look in their pictures, and they will. Plus I’ll probably sell more pictures of attractive people than of fat people, so this "Heat Wave" is not only helping my eyes but getting me a little more cash for my summer fun.

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