I'm short on time and ideas. Prevailing circumstances have kept me and my homey from finishing Week 3 of the Greatest Season Ever before due time came. Merrill Hoge busted off 179 rushing yards in a game, Vinny T and the Bucs got loose. My homey's Chiefs lost to the Oilers. Both our teams are 2-1. There's a lot of football left to be played.
Now I will channel the ALF of sports analysts, Peter King. From time to time I read his column on SI.com, and that guy has got it made. What an incredibly easy thing to do. I love talking about snackin' and travel and such.
I bet it takes King about 30 minutes tops to write his Monday Morning QB column … and he doesn't live where broken glass on the ground from car windows is a daily sight. To be King, I figure, you begin like this:
“Man, did you guys see that (insert team name vs. insert team name) game yesterday? Crazy, huh? I talked to my dawg about it and, the thing he said about it was 'That's crazy!' Furthermore, I know (insert dawg's name) from back at (insert name of something here) and he told me that in this situation, like back in (insert year and place here) the same thing happened. As a (insert position here) you've got to know better than to (insert verb here) in that situation.”
I talk about football with people a lot. If a big company hired me a stenographer who knew how to keep quiet, thousands of hours of my inane conversations could be melted into copy, and I'd be paid.
Then King gives you "Ten Things I Think I Think"...
1. I'm going to be late to work today ... 75 percent chance.
2. If my wallet isn't in the car, I'm going to be even poorer than I thought, and I’ll have to go through all sorts of lame processes to get muh ID and things back.
3. I won't wear my gloves when I leave, but I'll bring them in case it gets colder.
4. Devin Harris' half court shot last night was unbelievable.
5. Jacque Jones will make the Reds Opening Day Roster.
6. Homer Bailey will not.
7. Why do I misplace my wallet, when I know I will need it in the future...
8. Well, you get the point.
King complains about coffee like my grandmother used to complain about other people's cooking. The guy gets paid to write about coffee. I can do the same for whiskey: I drank a bottle of whiskey, it was great!
Lastly, because of time constraints caused by a plethora of factors conspiring against me, I will mimic Mr. King's "Interesting Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week." King likes getting all Andy Rooney about travel experiences ... even though you can rest assured that he is afforded more luxurious options than the average Joe Schmo, who doesn't have a column about snackin' and such. So here's mine: While the "TANK" style newer Metro buses are cleaner and more open, ain't but nowhere to sit inside them.
That's all, folks.