May 15th, 2013 By Hannah McCartney | The Morning After | Posted In: Life, Culture, Humor

Ohioans Fucking Swear a Lot

We're No. 1 ... in profanity

sea-monkey-closeupFucking sea monkeys.

Did you know there's such a thing as National Etiquette Week? And that it's happening right fucking now?

Of course there is. This is America, motherfuckers.

Well, while the rest of the country is practicing their table manners and shit, we in Ohio apparently don't give a damn, according to a recent study conducted by Seattle-based Marchex Institute.

The bitches at Marchex apparently listened in on 600,000 calls placed from consumers to businesses across 30 different industries, and found that out of all 50 states, Ohioans are most likely to go AWOL on the phone.

Washington state was the least likely to curse. They swore about every 300 conversations; we dropped expletives about every 150 exchanges.

According to the findings, Washingtonians were also 800 times more likely to be afraid of caterpillars and use only anti-bacterial soap, while Ohioans were 46 times more likely to crush beer cans with their hands or eat store-bought apples before they even washed them.

We're guessing Washingtonians probably say things like, "Bejabbers!" or "Criminy!" when shit goes wrong. And that's just fuckin' lame. 

Oh, and guys, don't forget — tomorrow is National Sea Monkey Day.

05.16.2013 at 11:41 Reply

City Bleat, you are a bunch of low life pottymouths...


05.17.2013 at 10:03

City Bleat!? HAHAHAHA! Do you write for Jay Leno? Because you clearly have no fucking sense of fucking humor.


05.16.2013 at 02:20 Reply

Fucking sea monkeys. Gotta have their own special fuuuucking day. What is America turning into?