Sunday's Super Bowl commercials were like Ruby Tuesday's in that they were not cheap but terribly bad.
But fear not loyal readers A and B! I'm not going to dull the blade by penning some lame blog about advertising disguised as a sports piece … like the people who get paid a lot of money by Yahoo! to do sports blogs that are terrible and seldom informative. Instead, I will offer you another seemingly incongruent chain of ideas, thoughts and feelings.
Is Skyline dip something that if brought outside of the 513 would elicit a unanimous, negative reaction? I think so.
Is Super Bowl Sunday perhaps better because you get to spend it acting like it's Thanksgiving ... without the family members and wedding videos? Probably.
Did Antrel Rolle cost his team the title by obstructing Larry Fitzgerald's path to track down and tackle James Harrison as the first half clock read 0:00? Yes.
Should Bengals fans root for the Steelers? Not unless it's the Steelers against Nazis, Nancy Grace or brain-eating zombies.
A popular local sentiment I encountered during the Pagan ritual-like two week buildup to the game was that local putzes would rather see the Stillers win because they are in the NFC North or this or that ... which is all dumb. The Cardinals and the Bengals are so similar in their ineptitude that I just don't get how a supporter of one team couldn't sympathize/root for the other in this situation.
Growing up a Giants fan, I developed a keenly-tuned hatred of the Dallas Cowboys (and to an extent the state of Texas as a whole) because they were a divisional foe and their postseason successes would nearly certainly come to pass because they beat the New York Football Giants. Nearly every year there are divisions that put two teams into the playoffs. The NFC North did so this year. Sometimes a division can be strong enough to carry three. It's impossible to get every team from your division in, so each win in the division during the course of the regular season ups the total of wins needed to win the division (please see Chargers, San Diego, 2008 season for more info) or get a playoff berth.
When you don't get playoff berths, you get 4-12 seasons.
The way I see it, which is right, is that divisional foes are called that because you hope they trip and fall when it's icy. You take a sort of sociopathic pleasure in the failures of at least one (if not every single) divisional rival if you are a football fan who has watched the game for more than the last five years and you care about watching the game more than tailgating.
I dislike the Redskins ... have a stronger dislike for the Eagles ... and maintain an Ed Gein sort of fascination with enjoying the last decade or so I've had without "America's Team" in the playoffs.
When the Eagles tore Dallas apart late in the season, sealing Dallas's exclusion from said playoffs, it was viewed with great delight.
All Bengals should feel this way about the Steelers, whose fans fill your stadium every year and whose players casually dismantle your favorite team then hop a flight home.
Now that the Stillers won, local residents are going to have to see a bunch of local residents wearing Stillers merchandise who were not Stillers fans five years ago.
If anything, watching your most bitter division rival take cake should anger you and make you more of a fan of nearly whoever plays them. When you see Steelers fans who are actually from Pittsburgh, ask them if they still have a Major League Baseball team ... or if the Pirates were demoted.
Don't root for the oppressor ... the evil one who beats up on you and doesn't treat you nice.
These bubs who are going to say stupid things like "Well the Bengals aren't never gonna go to the Super Bowl" and "I been a Stillers fan all my life" and other things we do not hold to be true shouldn't be encouraged.
They should be the opposite of encouraged, whatever that means!
Realize that when the Stillers win, the Bengals lose ... it's that simple.