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March 29th, 2012 By Danny Cross | Sports | Posted In: baseball

Ranking Jose Canseco’s Global Warming Tweets

Former MLB meathead goes ROFL on Twitter

canseco tweets-1

Former Major League Baseball player Jose Canseco doesn’t have the best image. After breaking into the majors as a super fast, freaky power hitter with the Oakland A’s and winning a World Series with his fellow Bash Brother/performance-enhancing-drug-user Mark McGwire, Canseco’s career and reputation were marred by injuries and a series of embarrassing moments on and off the field.

In 1992, Canseco was traded to another team while he was in the on-deck circle waiting to bat. In 1993, a fly ball bounced off his head and over the fence for a home run — This Week In Baseball in 1998 named the incident the greatest blooper of the show’s first 20-plus years. Canseco then asked his manager to pitch in a game even though he was an outfielder, which resulted in an elbow injury that required surgery.

During the PED witch hunt of the early 2000s, Canseco apparently took exception to MLB’s — and the media’s — obsession with how huge Barry Bonds’ body and head had gotten and released a tell-all book called Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big, in which he claimed that the majority of MLB players were on steroids.

Since then, Canseco has generally been seen as a doofus who does silly things to maintain his celebrity and make relatively small amounts of money, such as participating in reality shows, claiming Madonna liked him more than he liked her and training for a mixed martial arts fight and then losing in 77 seconds.

Canseco in the past few days has apparently attempted to rectify all his wrongs with a series of tweets aimed at schooling all the “morons” who don’t believe in global warming. It reads as a passionate, if grammatically flawed, cry for reason in the wake of the mass consumption and laziness that has led to the death of thousands of polar bears and, apparently, Al Gore.

The following is a collection of the tweets, which have made quite an impression on the Twitter community, ranked in order of hilariousness.

Be the first to receive future advice on world-changing lifestyle tips from Jose Canseco by following him @JoseCanseco.

8.

The tweet that got it all started — Canseco alerts the public that he is going to drop some serious knowledge about global warming the following day, likely using an aggressive tone.

7. While this tweet was certainly informative, the “reduce, reuse, recycle” motto has been known even by the laziest non-recyclers for a long time. The Playboy celebrity golf tournament reference is funny, though — classic Canseco.


6. “How do we stop global warming?” A relevant question, completely reasonable coming from someone like Canseco who probably doesn’t actually know the answer.

5. Here’s where Canseco starts really lashing into the skeptics, his frustration with mass consumption demonstrating a larger level of understanding of the issue, which likely surprised many readers. Canseco also introduces the concept of polar bears in this tweet, which is essential to later hilarity.

4. Ridiculously bad grammar aside, Canseco again makes a good point — in some countries families indeed share much less space than we use in America. The second reference to polar bears is really funny and for some reason unexpected.

3. Canseco in this tweet proves that he’s not going to let the issue of lazy, over-consuming humans fizzle out after a couple of liberal-esque polar bear references. Jose is now invoking the sacrifices of the pioneers, who didn’t use any electricity and just slept in flannel pajamas even when it was snowing. A pretty good point.

2. Jose Canseco thinks Al Gore is dead.

1. If Canseco is correct that lowering your body temperature at night will make you live 20-percent longer, then he’s probably well on his way to solving global warming. Energy savings aside, Canseco’s hope that he’ll live into his seventies rather than dying in some stupid way during the next 10 years is likely what led to this outburst of social consciousness.

 
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