To women, nothing says ‘I Love You’ quite like a big, fat cockroach on Valentine’s Day. That's right, for just $10, you can name a special bug living at the Bronx Zoo after your sweetie - because like love, a cockroach is indestructible.
You may not have someone to christen a bug for in the name of love, but don’t be sad: The Boyfriend Pillow is up for grabs, just $29. He will dry your tears and listen to your struggles while snuggling you to sleep on that special night. Plus, he won’t snore or have dragon breath in the a.m. And you don’t need to buy him a gift.
If you don’t get your kicks from pillows, get your (real) dude a chocolate-themed Mercedes this year. The smart car runs at about $28,000 - it isn't made out of chocolate, unfortunately, but it’s the next best thing.
Want to make coworkers jealous, but can’t budget a Mercedes? Keep it classy and send roses by the dozen to your significant other’s workplace (or to yourself - no judgement). Adrian Durban Floral arrangements start at $34.95. Caution: green sparks of envy may fly.
For those who dislike the cards, cockroaches and candies, why not occupy Valentine’s Day? Vent with the 99 percent of other Americans (who are also too broke to afford chocolate cars) about why the holiday ticks you off.