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December 8th, 2011 By Eli Johnson | The Morning After |

Music, Movies and the Not So Mundane

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The Walmart security team (read: elderly men who think they’re still in Korea) had it pretty easy when Timothy Randall Clark decided to try and steal $500 in video game products (read: a copy of the new Call of Duty for each one of his cousins) during the “Shop With a Cop” community program. Apparently it’s incredibly difficult to steal from a Walmart when there are 50 police officers hanging out in the home and garden section. Go figure.

Officials at the Bennett Martin Library in Lincoln, Neb., (they have libraries there?!) had to remove about 150 books from their catalogue after someone peed on the biographies bookshelf. “Now try and make me write that Harriet Tubman biography!”

Things got a little heated during Martha Stewart’s cooking segment on her show yesterday when she started making dirty jokes about sausage casings with guest, butcher Ryan Farr. “So these are more like rubber balloons…Or condoms,” Stewart said. When Farr challenged Stewart’s condom comparison, she insisted, “I bet they would work.” Video after the jump.

Former “Goddess” Brooke Mueller was arrested in Colorado this weekend for possession of cocaine. But Charlie Sheen insists there is no way she’s dealing drugs. Because he pays her $55,000 a month to be beautiful(?)."The cops in Aspen are Keystone on their finest day ... these are the clowns that let [Ted] Bundy go," said Sheen.

Now that M. Night Shimmysham is on Twitter, all kinds of crazy plot twists and crazy shit is being tweeted. Mostly the latter. Shamwow most recently tweeted about Will Smith’s pet name for him.

Most family calls me" Manoj." All my friends and everyone else calls me "Night." A few peeps call me "M." Will Smith calls me "M. Neezie."

Coldplay has announced the dates and stops on their North American tour

Harry Morgan (M*A*S*H) died Wednesday at the age of 96.

Blur is being awarded an Outstanding Contribution to Music award at next year’s Brit Awards. It is thought to be a custom made Hallmark card which reads, “Thanks for writing ‘Song 2’.” 

The Washington man accused of breaking into the home of another man just to throw a dead mink at him has been acquitted of all charges. Defense lawyer Chris Crew says the “prosecution failed to prove a link to the mink” when charging his client, 33-year-old Jobie J. Watkins.

Happy Birthday to Kim Basinger, Teri Hatcher, the late David Carradine, Tyler Mane, Nicki Minaj, Wendell Pierce, the late Sam Kinison, Sinéad O’Connor (and her late career) and the late Sammy Davis Jr.

 
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