WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
December 2nd, 2011 By Eli Johnson | The Morning After |

Music, Movies and the Not So Mundane

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Jessie Dimmick, a 25-year-old convicted kidnaper out of Colorado, is suing a couple he held hostage for two years because they broke their promise that they’d help hide him from the police. Dimmick claims that Jared and Lindsay Rowley agreed to take an unspecified amount of cash in exchange for helping him elude the police who were hunting him in connection with the beating death of a Colorado man. Unfortunately for Dimmick, the Rowleys didn’t pinky promise.

The two were taken by knifepoint from their Topeka, Kan., home in September of 2009 after Dimmick crashed a stolen van into their lawn during a high-speed chase with the popo. According to The Topeka Capital-Journal, the Rowleys gained his trust by eating Cheetos and watching Patch Adams with Dimmick until he fell asleep. They then managed to escape and the police arrested him sometime later, but not until after he was shot by a police officer whose gun accidentally went off.

"As a result of the plaintiffs breech (sic) of contract, I, the defendant suffered a gunshot to my back, which almost killed me. The hospital bills alone are in excess of $160,000, which I have no way to pay," Dimmick wrote in the suit. Dimmick, who doesn’t have a lawyer, wants $235,000, according to the Capital-Journal.

Kanye West and Adele lead the Grammy pack with seven and six nominations, respectively. Somehow, someway, Bruno Mars and the Foo Fighters tied Adele with six nominations each, including in the album of the year category.

"It feels incredible. Me and these guys, we locked ourselves in the studio not too far from here and worked on this album, especially 'Grenade,'" Mars said after the nominations were announced. "That's the song we worked the hardest on. That's like our trophy right there. Of all the songs we've been fortunate enough to be a part of this year, we were most proud of that one."

But I’ve got Adele’s 21 tipped to clean house. If I sing “Someone Like You” drunk and crying in the shower one more time I swear I’ll have to start listening to “Chasing Pavements” again.

Alice Eve (She’s Out of My League) will play a new character in JJ Abrams’ Star Trek 2. No details have been released about the new character other than that she will be attractive.

While looking for a new amp for my Esteban guitar, I stumbled on a killer deal. $100,000 for a rare Vox UL730 amp that happened to belong to Beatle George Harrison.

A man in Switzerland was arrested for trying to disrupt the Large Hadron Collider, one moved letter away from being hysterical a big ol’ machine that collides particles at record force. Eloi Cole, the would-be saboteur, claimed he was from the future and was trying to stop the LHC from destroying the world. Police say Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and tweed at the time of his arrest, refused to give them his age or country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs Boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

The man may or may not have looked a lot like this:


The future is a communist chocolate hellhole!”

Elvis Costello doesn’t want you to buy his new album. Costello said if you really want the new album, which is selling for £212.99, you should wait until the New Year when it goes on sale. “Unfortunately, we at www.elviscostello.com find ourselves unable to recommend this lovely item to you as the price appears to be either a misprint or a satire.”

“If you should really want to buy something special for your loved one at this time of seasonal giving, we can whole-heartedly recommend Ambassadors of Jazz [by] Louis Armstrong," Costello said, noting that the Armstrong box set offers 10 albums for the same price as his The Return of the Spinning Songbook.

He added: “Frankly, the music is vastly superior.”

Y’all wanna’ see something funny? Click here.

Y’all wanna’ see something ill, not sick. Watch this space.

 
 
 
 
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