November 26th, 2008 By Danny Cross | Sports | Posted In: football

Stay Away From Us Mallory

Word on the internets suggests that our sports team-supporting mayor is going to publicly recognize the UC Bearcat football team outside City Hall today. From his botched opening day pitch (which was so hilariously poor that it landed him on national talk shows) to his recent vote of confidence in the Cincinnati Bengals, Mayor Mallory is way out of it when it comes to sports.

Mallory said he was going to do some sweet tailgating last month and that the Bengals were going to beat the Steelers. That didn’t really happen.

He had better not do anything stupid to jinx the only championship-caliber team we have. I’d go down there and protest it but I used all my markers and posterboards on signs that said “Gay Marriage Is Gay!” last month. I’m all protested out.

Fine Mallory, support the Bearcats. Wear a hat or an officially licensed sweatshirt and shake Brian Kelly’s hand in front of the cameras. But if you really want to help you’ll offer him some of that prime office space and a parking spot in the middle of the City Hall castle building. A $100,000 “consultant” salary would work too.

I’m going to the Syracuse game Saturday because I want to feel like a winner. If I walk away from Nippert Stadium feeling like the loser I’ve been during the last decade of Reds baseball and Bengals football there’s going to be a thorough list of people to blame. And from my dad at the top to Mayor Mallory at the bottom, everyone will be hearing about it.


Image: What Mark Mallory can expect if he makes the Bearcats lose Saturday. 

11.28.2008 at 04:39 Reply
Well, the Mayor certainly tried to throw a monkey-wrench. Council made Kelly wait around for a half hour and he almost missed practice. At least the Cats don't NEED to win now.


11.28.2008 at 05:23 Reply
Yea man, those people are jerks. I bet he would have left if it got much later. I'm going to the game Saturday to throw oranges on the field with my left arm.


12.02.2008 at 02:49 Reply
Dan-O the Man-O, Good thing you don't feel like a loser. Have you felt a singe in your nostrils lately and wonder what that is? Citrus BABY!! See you at the Hut!