What should I be doing instead of this?
September 19th, 2011 By Eli Johnson | The Morning After |

Music, Movies and the Not So Mundane


Appearing as a presenter on the 2011 Emmy Awards last night, Charlie Sheen declared before naming the nominees, “I want to take a moment here to get something off my chest and say something to everyone here at Two and a Half Men...” Oh shit!

“From the bottom of my heart, I wish you nothing but the best for this upcoming season. We spent eight wonderful years together and I know you will continue to make great television.”


Sheen later tweeted that he had spoken with his replacement, Ashton Kutcher. “Seriously,” he tweeted to Kutcher, “great talking to you. We’ll all be watching. Make us proud.” Or else!

Alec Baldwin pulled out of last night's telecast and left the Emmys after Fox decided to cut his joke about News Corp CEO Rupert Murdoch from the opening segment. Baldwin tweeted, “I did a short Emmy pretape a few days ago. Now they tell me NewsCorp may cut the funniest line.

Lion King 3D shit on everything at the box office this weekend, earning $29.3 million. It's sort of like in the movie when Simba comes back from hanging out with his two edible friends on feet and beats the piss out of Scar. The movie has now grossed a total of $357.8 million and JTT will never have to work again a day in his life.

You know what five words Chuck Berry said before every show? “Pay me my money!”

Here is a 30-second stream of The View off of the new Lou Reed/Metallica collaboration, Lulu. It sounds like the biggest piece of shit since this:

The top-ranked competitive eater in the word and reigning king of the Bratwurst-eating world defended his crown here in Cincinnati at the Oktoberfest Zinzinnati by eating 35 brats in 10 minutes. For his troubles, Johnny Chestnut won $2,000, a trip to the Porta-John and a hat.

When Atlantic City police raided the home of a suspected drug dealer they found a pound of marijuana, $2,600 in cash and two alligators.

Radiohead will be making television appearances this upcoming week, performing first on Saturday Night LIve and again on The Colbert Report next Monday. Here's a video of them playing "The Daily Mail" at Glastonbury.

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