WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
September 8th, 2011 By Danny Cross | News |

Morning News and Stuff

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John Kasich reduced the charges against an Akron school teacher for using the wrong address to enroll her kids in a different school. Probably felt bad for running out of vouchers. Kasich also says to Obama, “Bro, let my dudes build a uranium plant in Ohio. Stop being a bureaucrat.”

Cliftonites can rejoice today with the announcement of plans to reopen Keller's IGA as a fancy little grocery store, which will allow the neighborhood weirdos folks to stop causing huge lines at the CVS.

Jerry Springer will be in town this evening to support the repeal of House Bill 194, a Republican-supported plan to jam up the voting process.

Turfway Park will soon reopen for its racing season, potentially with a new machine that lets people bet on races that have already run before the results have been revealed. There are apparently some court challenges to the devices and the fact that someone somewhere probably saw the race and has a cell phone.

You might not be supposed to stare directly into the sun, but these scientists are forgoing sleep in order to stare at a star while it explodes.

Here's an analysis of the debating skills of the four Republicans who got the most talk time during last night's presidential candidate debate by the director of debate at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry: He had no experience debating the other candidates and it showed. While he was by no means terrible, he was also not very polished or prepared. Sure, he came with a bunch of one-liners to use against the other candidates. Some of them played well with the audience, but when asked specific questions, Perry often just avoided questions completely.

Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann: Bachmann was also asked twice about Obama's policy in Libya before she gave a straight answer. In academic competition, when someone fails to answer a question directly the first time, it is usually a sign of a weak argument or an unsure debater.

Texas Rep. Ron Paul: Paul's stance on most issues is fairly clear -- refreshing for a political candidate. He wants to keep the federal government out of citizens' lives as much as possible, including on safety issues... But claims that "consumers are smart enough to know safe cars," and that drug companies can regulate themselves through the free market required proof.

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney: The one area where the other candidates were gaining traction in their attacks on him was on health care. He favored individual mandates and helped to pass mandatory health care in Massachusetts. In the time he had, and within the debate's format, Romney was unable to make a clear delineation between his bill and Obama's national health care legislation. Since everyone on that stage opposes the national bill, Romney needs to do a better job of explaining how his plan was different. Other than that, Romney held steady: a smooth operator with the least apparent fumbles of any of the candidates.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says smoking is no longer cool. Tell that to this lady, who is apparently not going to die simply because she doesn't want to. (Just kidding — that article was from 2009, she probably gone now.)

New York Fashion Week is about to kick off, but this mope won't be there because he just got convicted in a Paris court for “public insults” based on origin, religion, race or ethnicity. Cool name though, John Galliano.

Reese Witherspoon went for a jog yesterday only to be hit by a car driven by an 84-year-old woman. The 35-year-old Witherspoon was reportedly running across an unmarked crosswalk around 11 a.m. When the old lady failed to even slow down, ramming the Oscar winner with her car.

Still trying not to laugh? Fine — Witherspoon only suffered minor injuries.

The National Football League kicks off the 2011-12 season tonight with a contest between last year's Super Bowl Champion Green Bay Packers and the previous year's champs, the New Orleans Saints.

This documentary on the University of Miami is totally awesome, largely due to its thoughtful portrayal of the 1980s socioeconomic issues that plagued the city of Miami and led a football program to take kids out of the Florida ghettos, kick the crap out of Notre Dame and dance around like this:

 
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