FRIDAY AUG. 23: Fascism is a scary word that most people
think was invented in Germany to try to exterminate a race of people and
make everyone left drive shitty cars. In turn, it is not the most
interesting subject to conservative Americans.
SATURDAY AUG. 17: The Akron Beacon Journal
today reported that a state representative named John Becker, who is
apparently from suburban Cincinnati (how many [expletive] state reps are
there, for real?), proposed an expansion of Ohio’s death penalty law to
cover some sex-related crimes.
In the herd there are so
many students who come to college who’ve absolutely no business there;
they’re no more prepared for the intellectual rigor, the dicey social
matrix and the expectation of talent in their respective disciplines
than an average junior high school student, and no one’s had that
come-to-Jesus conversation with them until maybe well into their third
MONDAY AUG. 12: Add cursive writing to the list of things
from your precious moments of youth that were wasted on learning things
which were totally irrelevant and not worth knowing how to do now that
you are old and stationary.
A popular North Korea comedienne was yanked off stage at
her performance and shipped to a coal mine with a sentence of
“indefinite hard labor” after she told a joke that somehow satirized
society in North Korea. WORLD -2
When that summer was over we got our black asses on the bus. We expected the worst. We rode the bus stiff-backed, ready for all-out race war. We weren’t comforted by our white bus driver’s choice of WEBN on the radio.
A pair of recent online attempts to
encapsulate Cincinnati went viral, at least locally, and the responses
to them inadvertently shined a light on a few overlooked traits of
Cincinnatians — thin skin and chips on shoulders. (As a native, I
wholeheartedly admit to also having these traits engraved into my DNA.)
Don’t you just hate it when a president and attorney general expect us to trust them? Missile Gap. Watergate. Tonkin Gulf. War on Terror. All stinking precedents. Now, it’s Obama and Holder and their faux contrition for overzealous feds snooping in reporters’ emails and phone calls.
WEDNESDAY JULY 31:
People who say that things are “meta” are
usually annoying and prone to trying to make themselves appear way more
intelligent and informed than they truly are. That said, there seems to
be a debate within the debates when it comes to the upcoming Cincinnati
If only politicians were cicadas. At least we’d have a longer cycle of silence before the commencement of incessant droning and that annoying buzzing about. The only difference is cicadas, while butt-ugly, die after they mate.
What if the epidural doesn’t kick in?
It seems like in every TV birth (I know, I know), they get to the
hospital and it’s too late for the epidural. I don’t think I can
meditate the pain away like Beyoncé described while giving birth to Blue
A 7-year-old and a 10-year-old have been placed under a gag order, along with their parents, preventing
them from ever speaking about fracking again under a settlement from a
drilling company whose fracking practices near their Pennsylvania home
caused their entire family to suffer from weird ailments. WORLD -1