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Love: One of the Answers

0 Comments · Thursday, February 8, 2001
"I can't figure it out," a friend said to me the other afternoon. "Sometimes it feels serious, other times I think we're winding down." She was referencing her current relationship. The guy she's da  

Evil in Tent

0 Comments · Thursday, February 1, 2001
I love road trips. Always have. But before setting out on America's blue highways, before I make my first wrong turn or erupt in my first episode of road rage, I have to decide: Camping or hotels? T  

Useless from the White Collar Down

0 Comments · Thursday, January 25, 2001
My back is neither broad nor strong. I have not worn a hard hat since Skylab stopped falling out of the sky. My hands are uncallused. I am not all thumbs, I am all thumb stumps. The major brand name  

Useless from the White Collar Down

0 Comments · Thursday, January 18, 2001
My back is neither broad nor strong. I have not worn a hard hat since Skylab stopped falling out of the sky. My hands are uncallused. I am not all thumbs, I am all thumb stumps. The major brand name  

Pseudoquasiesque: Psuedoquasiesque

Stop Thinking About Doing It; Just Do It

0 Comments · Thursday, January 11, 2001
By-bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy ... Whoa. Check out Willie Loman at the newsstand there. Willie Loman? He's fictional. How's come a real guy look like a fictional character? I don't know. I  

Party of None

0 Comments · Thursday, January 4, 2001
Two phrases cause my right eyelid to flutter uncontrollably whenever I hear them. The first: "I need to examine your prostate." (No less disturbing from medical professionals than it is from lay per  

Do You See What I See?

0 Comments · Thursday, December 21, 2000
Every year, in late December, I, like so many of my journalistic colleagues, like to look to the future and speculate on -- i.e., make predictions about -- the events, developments and trends we can  

Lap Dunce, Part 2

0 Comments · Thursday, December 14, 2000
My stint as a mall Santa was both psychologically and physically debilitating. Psychologically because I was constantly struggling to reconcile this internal conflict: If I loved the woman who ran S  

Lap Dunce, Part 1

0 Comments · Thursday, December 7, 2000
Whenever someone utters the familiar bit of treacle, "It's always darkest just before the dawn," I like to point out that, like cocktail hour, it's always "just before the dawn" somewhere in the wor  

Dead Elf Walking

0 Comments · Thursday, November 30, 2000
I'm not proud of what I did. To be honest, I barely remember doing it. My court-appointed shrink says I lost my grasp of reality. Maybe so. All I know is that, at the time, taking those weapons into  

A Table That Looks Like America

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 22, 2000
Hey-hey, look who's here. Welcome, welcome. Get on in here out of the cold. Good to see you. Let me take your coat. I'm so glad you could join us for Thanksgiving dinner. No, you're absolutely fin  

Uniform Traditions

0 Comments · Thursday, November 16, 2000
By BOB WOODIWISS The ballyhoo is irresistible. For weeks, it builds in the stores, then, slowly, it takes over the streets. The decorations, the songs, the merriment become ubiquitous. Before you   

How to Fill Space

0 Comments · Thursday, November 9, 2000
I usually restrict my bookstore browsing to Fiction (looking to indulge my taste for deep, complex novels) and Romance (looking to indulge my taste for shallow, easy women). So it was strictly dumb  

End of the (Ugly) Issue

0 Comments · Thursday, November 2, 2000
PSEUDOQUASIESQUEGood morning/afternoon/evening, I'm Bob Woodiwiss, and welcome to Pseudoquasiesque's special election coverage, Painful Culmination 2000. As in years past, we'll be bringing you, the  

Pseudoquasiesque: Psuedoquasiesque

Stage Frightening

0 Comments · Thursday, October 26, 2000
Anyone who knows me knows I'm an avid theatergoer. A regular Johnny First-nighter. And whether it's something new or a revival, Shakespeare or Simon, one wo/man show or full-blown revue, you'll find