City’s New Police Chief Wants to Dress to Impress and Arrest: Like all cities, Cincinnati is a place where
crimes are committed. Strategies constantly evolve as law enforcement
tries to thwart all sorts of criminal enterprises.
Walmart Finds New Way to Look Like Assholes, Surprises America: Halloween is coming up soon, and that
means you’ll probably get roped into attending a party and binge
drinking to avoid thinking about if it’s dumb or not to be in costume at
Local News Stations Restructure After Broadcasts Mistaken for Parodies of News Coverage: There are things you can almost guarantee
will be on the local TV news if for some reason you find yourself stuck
watching it. They
are: things on fire, poor people committing crimes and things about
people in the community doing something nice :)
It’s difficult to consider the Cincinnati
Bengals to be one of the NFL’s more innovative franchises — aside from
winning the most lopsided stadium deal in the history of football and
then hiring the guy who negotiated it for the county, the team is really
only known for losing Super Bowls to the 49ers and a funny 1990s
FRIDAY SEPT. 13: Ohio is a great state with a lot of smart
people in it, but somehow it seems like the dumbest people in it end up
in really important positions. Take Debe Tehrar, the president of the
Ohio School Board.
THURSDAY SEPT. 5: For being a really old daily newspaper, The Cincinnati Enquirer
is not known for being great at many things (although its recent plan
to do a better job covering Northern Kentucky by having zero reporters
stationed there is a pretty good idea and should pay off in the long
THURSDAY AUG. 29: In a move likely to garner mass likes and
shares from your more sheltered or stupid Facebook friends, a Buckeye
State politician is pushing legislation that will require drug testing
for welfare applicants.
FRIDAY AUG. 23: Fascism is a scary word that most people
think was invented in Germany to try to exterminate a race of people and
make everyone left drive shitty cars. In turn, it is not the most
interesting subject to conservative Americans.
SATURDAY AUG. 17: The Akron Beacon Journal
today reported that a state representative named John Becker, who is
apparently from suburban Cincinnati (how many [expletive] state reps are
there, for real?), proposed an expansion of Ohio’s death penalty law to
cover some sex-related crimes.
MONDAY AUG. 12: Add cursive writing to the list of things
from your precious moments of youth that were wasted on learning things
which were totally irrelevant and not worth knowing how to do now that
you are old and stationary.
WEDNESDAY JULY 31:
People who say that things are “meta” are
usually annoying and prone to trying to make themselves appear way more
intelligent and informed than they truly are. That said, there seems to
be a debate within the debates when it comes to the upcoming Cincinnati
SATURDAY JULY 13: There are only so many ways to hurt
somebody with a tampon, but Texas state troopers today made sure that society
would see none of them during the Texas State Senate’s vote to restrict
SUNDAY JULY 7: It must be difficult to be a business owner during today’s
changing times — 50 years ago no one had to pay women an equal wage or
even hire black people, and now there’s all this social media and
Obamacare making everything confusing.