SATURDAY JULY 13: There are only so many ways to hurt
somebody with a tampon, but Texas state troopers today made sure that society
would see none of them during the Texas State Senate’s vote to restrict
SUNDAY JULY 7: It must be difficult to be a business owner during today’s
changing times — 50 years ago no one had to pay women an equal wage or
even hire black people, and now there’s all this social media and
Obamacare making everything confusing.
TUESDAY JUNE 25: An Ohio man’s recent trip to Michigan took a turn for the worse
after he took some mushrooms and was found trespassing inside Ypsilanti
Middle School. Responding officers noted that the man had ripped part of
his penis off.
SUNDAY JUNE 16: The Muppets from Sesame Street
today introduced a new character named Alex whose father is
incarcerated. Since we live in the nation that imprisons a higher
percentage of its populace than any other in the goddamned world, it
makes sense to reduce the stigma attached to this aspect of our society.
MONDAY JUNE 10: When people get freaked out that everything
they do online and via telephone is being recorded by an
unconstitutional and invasive governmental presence, the first thing
they do is get on amazon.com and order George Orwell’s novel 1984.
SATURDAY JUNE 1: A fight during a kindergarten graduation
ceremony in Cleveland today made national news. The brawl broke out
after refreshments were spilled, which is exactly what the little kids
had spent the past year learning you aren’t supposed to do.
THURSDAY MAY 23: Most people wouldn’t feel that great
about taking a job when one of the tasks at hand is to find your own
replacement, but that just goes to show you how disconnected average
people are from the world of corporate executives (they get $1.6 million
signing bonuses, you dumbass!)
TUESDAY MAY 21: The hits just keep on coming for
Abercrombie & Fitch. After recently being called out for
discriminatory hiring practices, its Hollister Co. brand has been found
guilty of discriminating against shoppers with physical impairments.
WEDNESDAY MAY 8: Some people would rather go to jail than
have to set foot inside a mall. Thanks to a recently announced event by
the Springdale Police Department and several other local agencies, the
two experiences will become more alike starting next week.
WEDNESDAY MAY 1: People love to complain, and one of the
old standbys when doing so is feeling tired. In response to everyone
always whining about feeling tired or hungover, many food companies have
begun producing snacks with caffeine added to them.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 17: The Vermont House of Representatives last
week approved a bill that will reduce the penalty for possessing up to
an ounce of marijuana. The bill passed by a 2-to-1 margin, which shouldn’t
come as much of surprise in the state that Phish is from.
MONDAY APRIL 15: Believe it or not, a cruise ship full of
people are miserable and pissed off. In the most recent case of this
happening, a seven-day Caribbean cruise on a Crown Princess ship turned
real un-fun after the toilets stopped flushing.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 3: Weed, gay marriage, what’s next?
Apparently, the next liberal trend to sweep the nation will be bringing
your pet along to work with you so you can both be miserable and