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Worst Week Ever!
 

Another Seven Days of Bailiff Bribes and Soda Bans

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Those of us who have been wondering what ever happened to the criminal charges brought against us months ago for being way too good at body rubs were happy to find out today that they might be gone forever. The Enquirer reported that a former bailiff is accused of taking bribes to delay cases until they´re no longer prosecutable, which takes 270 days after an arrest or 90 days in jail, and now people are demanding that their charges be dropped in accordance.  

Another Seven Days of MTV for Some and Stimulation for All

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 7, 2009
As 2008 came to an end, most of us were looking forward to celebrating the final days of the worst presidency ever the opportunity to dedicate 2009 to bettering ourselves and humanity. But media giant Viacom says that if Time Warner Cable doesn't pay up then sweet channels like Nickelodeon, MTV and Comedy Central will disappear in the new year. In other news, City Hall is 177 environmentally-friendly light bulbs away from Heaven.  

A recap of WWE's 2008 presidential election coverage

2 Comments · Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Though our collective attention was often fractured by the local media’s coverage of poor people getting arrested, gay rights and cigarettes, national issues like housing market crashes and America’s increasingly diminished standing among the international community, we at WWE! were lucky enough to have a public medium to express our feelings and enough Internet access to look up the stuff we didn’t know anything about.  

Another Seven Days of Equality for Some and Compensation for All

0 Comments · Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Two local middle school students won a UC-sponsored stock market game for kids last week by investing their fake $100,000 in Under Armour athletic apparel. When asked if they would consider investing their fake money in any other companies, the students said they'd consider gasoline futures but that diversifying is for dorks.  

Another Seven Days of Nice Sheriffs and Mean Protesters

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It looks like the auto bailout plan is in big trouble, and The Los Angeles Times reported today that there is one group of people mainly to blame: the greedy workers who make American cars.  

Another Seven Days of Bad Words and Good Candy

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A local judge put the smack down last week after a defendant mumbled that it was bullshit that he'd have to stay in jail until his court date. Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Robert Ruehlman thought that an alleged Northside Taliband gang member saying "bullshit" in his courtroom was actually bullshit itself, so he sentenced him to six months.  

Another Seven Days of Gay Penguins and Dead Deers

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 3, 2008
With a serious budget deficit looming and the option of taking away a 1996 tax credit from homeowners to reduce layoffs, Hamilton County Commissioners today said, "Um, no, we better not do that."  

Another Seven Days of Free Terrorists and New GNR

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 26, 2008
We at WWE! don't always try our best. But our journalistic indifference results in harmless poop jokes and curse words, unlike Cincinnati Enquirer reporters, whose bad sense of humor often results in the public embarrassment of poor people.  

Another Seven Days of Ditching Kids and Fighting H8

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A Catholic church in South Carolina has some new rules for its parishioners who voted for Barack Obama for president: They have to tell God they're sorry before taking communion again.  

Another Seven Days of Melting Ice and Jelly Bean Votes

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 5, 2008
With the economy still reeling from recent bank failures and credit crunches, a couple of artists in New York City decided to show what it would look like if the economy were literally melting down.  

Another Seven Days of Smokers and Teachers in Trouble

2 Comments · Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Vice presidential nominee/sassy maverick sidekick Sarah Palin last week unveiled numerous metaphorical characters who would benefit from a Republican administration.   

Another Seven Days of Alcoholic Disputes and Voter Resolutions

1 Comment · Wednesday, October 22, 2008
John McCain today did his best to try to halt Barack Obama's increasing momentum, arguing during the final presidential debate that the liberal senator will raise taxes, spread everyone's money...  

Another Seven Days of Racist Dogs and Mean Squirrels

2 Comments · Wednesday, October 15, 2008
There are drawbacks to living in a battleground state during election season, and The Enquirer today detailed one of the big negatives that comes with the consideration that politicians pretend to have for us: This shit costs us money!  

Another Seven Days of Bad Parenting and Free Bacon

0 Comments · Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby's terrible parenting skills might have resulted in a child dying a slow and excruciating death this summer, but that didn't stop her from accepting an invitation to kick it with a sympathetic talk show host.  

Another Seven Days of Putin Flying Over Our Airspace

1 Comment · Wednesday, October 1, 2008
John McCain heard about President Bush's proposed $700 billion economic-help-out plan today and said, "Hold it! America needs help from a maverick! I'm going to Washington!" and then he postponed his presidential campaign.