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Worst Week Ever!
 

Another Seven Days of New Rules and Old Inmates

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Three years ago Jose Canseco wrote a book about all the steroid use that took place in baseball during the 1990s and early 2000s, but everyone in the sports world said, "Shut up Canseco, you suck!" Now the former Bash Brother, who admitted to using steroids and sticking needles in other players' butts during his entire career, would like an apology from everyone who didn’t believe him.  

Another Seven Days of Avoiding Peanuts and Banning Adoption

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Stewart Parnell might have been dumb enough to ship salmonella-infected peanut products all over the country, but he wasn't dumb enough to eat any of his company's peanut butter in front of Congress today. In response to allegations that Parnell knowingly shipped the infected products that got mass people sick, Rep. Greg Walden (R-Ore.) used a tactic popularized by American sitcoms, where one character knows another is lying and acts like he doesn’t in order to make the liar look like a dick.  

Another Seven Days of Border Needs and Casino Losses

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 11, 2009
A day after Republican cliche Joe the Plumber sat in on the Conservative Working Group's weekly strategy meeting in Washington, D.C., the AP released a pun-filled story detailing the working man's advice for the politicians. Though his attendance was likened to a Republican 'pipe dream' by the bored news reporters, many in attendance said it was good to get the perspective of a regular Joe even if his name isn’t really Joe.  

Another Seven Days of Cincy Pride and Super Bowl Sex

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A day after a national survey determined that most of America dislikes Cincinnati as much as those of us who live here, Mayor Mark Mallory came out and said, "Naw man, that survey ain't right." Only 13 percent of the 2,260 people surveyed said they'd like to live in Cincinnati, placing the Queen City 28th out of 30 cities, ahead of only fellow-dying Midwestern towns Cleveland and Detroit.  

Another Seven Days of Scary Bars and Good-Smelling Games

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A film crew from the Travel Channel's 'Ghost Adventures' TV show began its three-day ghost hunt and conference today at Bobby Mackey's Music World in Wilder. The hunt began with show host Zak Bagans focusing his kindly efforts on the establishment's basement, replete with "old brick walls and an old well that some say is the entrance to Hell."  

Another Seven Days of Gun Shortages and Cell Phone Surplusses

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 21, 2009
President-elect Barack Obama has already saved one American industry from recession: gun sellers. The Enquirer reported today that gun enthusiasts nationwide are so afraid that Obama will take away their freedom to own assault rifles and other war-style home defense tools that they're buying out local gun shops.  

Another Seven Days of Bailiff Bribes and Soda Bans

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Those of us who have been wondering what ever happened to the criminal charges brought against us months ago for being way too good at body rubs were happy to find out today that they might be gone forever. The Enquirer reported that a former bailiff is accused of taking bribes to delay cases until they´re no longer prosecutable, which takes 270 days after an arrest or 90 days in jail, and now people are demanding that their charges be dropped in accordance.  

Another Seven Days of MTV for Some and Stimulation for All

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 7, 2009
As 2008 came to an end, most of us were looking forward to celebrating the final days of the worst presidency ever the opportunity to dedicate 2009 to bettering ourselves and humanity. But media giant Viacom says that if Time Warner Cable doesn't pay up then sweet channels like Nickelodeon, MTV and Comedy Central will disappear in the new year. In other news, City Hall is 177 environmentally-friendly light bulbs away from Heaven.  

A recap of WWE's 2008 presidential election coverage

2 Comments · Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Though our collective attention was often fractured by the local media’s coverage of poor people getting arrested, gay rights and cigarettes, national issues like housing market crashes and America’s increasingly diminished standing among the international community, we at WWE! were lucky enough to have a public medium to express our feelings and enough Internet access to look up the stuff we didn’t know anything about.  

Another Seven Days of Equality for Some and Compensation for All

0 Comments · Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Two local middle school students won a UC-sponsored stock market game for kids last week by investing their fake $100,000 in Under Armour athletic apparel. When asked if they would consider investing their fake money in any other companies, the students said they'd consider gasoline futures but that diversifying is for dorks.  

Another Seven Days of Nice Sheriffs and Mean Protesters

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It looks like the auto bailout plan is in big trouble, and The Los Angeles Times reported today that there is one group of people mainly to blame: the greedy workers who make American cars.  

Another Seven Days of Bad Words and Good Candy

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A local judge put the smack down last week after a defendant mumbled that it was bullshit that he'd have to stay in jail until his court date. Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Robert Ruehlman thought that an alleged Northside Taliband gang member saying "bullshit" in his courtroom was actually bullshit itself, so he sentenced him to six months.  

Another Seven Days of Gay Penguins and Dead Deers

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 3, 2008
With a serious budget deficit looming and the option of taking away a 1996 tax credit from homeowners to reduce layoffs, Hamilton County Commissioners today said, "Um, no, we better not do that."  

Another Seven Days of Free Terrorists and New GNR

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 26, 2008
We at WWE! don't always try our best. But our journalistic indifference results in harmless poop jokes and curse words, unlike Cincinnati Enquirer reporters, whose bad sense of humor often results in the public embarrassment of poor people.  

Another Seven Days of Ditching Kids and Fighting H8

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A Catholic church in South Carolina has some new rules for its parishioners who voted for Barack Obama for president: They have to tell God they're sorry before taking communion again.