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Worst Week Ever!
 

Another Seven Days of Angry Popes and Happy Suburbs

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 22, 2009
When a government tries to tread on Americans, we don't take it lying down. That’s why thousands of people visited downtown Cincinnati today to participate in the Cincinnati Tea Party, a widely organized event meant to demonstrate displeasure with President Obama's federal stimulus package and the concept of taxes in general.  

Another Seven Days of Starting Iraq and Stopping Trains

2 Comments · Wednesday, April 15, 2009
President Obama on Tuesday pulled the ol’ “pop-in” on our friends over in Iraq, but instead of dropping a friendly “Hey buddy” like Kramer in Seinfeld, Obama told the entire nation to hurry up and become self-sufficient.  

Another Seven Days of Good Neighbors and Bad Hippies

1 Comment · Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Cincinnati's local media got quite a treat today from angry Westside residents, who boarded up a Westwood house even though the city had already padlocked the doors. All the major TV news networks (plus The Enquirer, which let two of its reporters take breaks from tweeting to work on the story) accepted an invitation from a group called Westwood Concern to watch them board up a house that troublemakers regularly use to do bad things.  

Another Seven Days of Happy YP's and Sad Astronauts

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Cincinnati is a great place to live if you´re an educated young professional who works at Procter & Gamble (they have a gym in the basement!). The Enquirer today reported that many such YPs gathered last week to promote their town to other young people who like to wear collared shirts but not ties.  

Another Seven Days of Cigarette Taxes and Bathroom Breaks

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 25, 2009
George W. Bush made some pretty important decisions in office: how to respond to 9/11, when to invade Iraq, how often to let Scooter Libby watch 'Ally McBeal' on TV. But we're about to learn a lot more about GW's thought process through his new book, 'Decision Points.' But those close to Bush say the publisher has cut out all the parts where he made decisions based on whether a TV commercial was for a sex hotline or a flavored alcoholic beverage, which leaves out most of 2002.  

Another Seven Days of Casino Plans and Kickball Bans

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 18, 2009
After two years of Kentucky trying to F Ohio in the B with its various Northern Kentucky casino proposals — seriously, isn’t taking away our dance clubs enough for you, Newport? — a group of Ohio casino-backers is responding in full-force.  

Another Seven Days of New Neighborhoods and Old Senators

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Cincinnati might have finally broken ground on The Banks project, but by the time people get to live, work and play in the riverfront neighborhood it could be called something completely different. The Enquirer reported today that the possibility of changing the name arose when developers Carter and the Dawson Co. realized that Cincinnati had planned its new neighborhood between two sports stadiums and a highway and then named it after one of America’s stupidest industries.   

Another Seven Days of Meeting Jindal and Needing Garbage

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 4, 2009
President Obama addressed Congress on Tuesday with a summary of America's many problems, but instead of Wednesday's headlines reading "Obama, America Totally F'd" they read "Jindal, Republicans Look Stupid."  

Another Seven Days of New Rules and Old Inmates

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Three years ago Jose Canseco wrote a book about all the steroid use that took place in baseball during the 1990s and early 2000s, but everyone in the sports world said, "Shut up Canseco, you suck!" Now the former Bash Brother, who admitted to using steroids and sticking needles in other players' butts during his entire career, would like an apology from everyone who didn’t believe him.  

Another Seven Days of Avoiding Peanuts and Banning Adoption

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Stewart Parnell might have been dumb enough to ship salmonella-infected peanut products all over the country, but he wasn't dumb enough to eat any of his company's peanut butter in front of Congress today. In response to allegations that Parnell knowingly shipped the infected products that got mass people sick, Rep. Greg Walden (R-Ore.) used a tactic popularized by American sitcoms, where one character knows another is lying and acts like he doesn’t in order to make the liar look like a dick.  

Another Seven Days of Border Needs and Casino Losses

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 11, 2009
A day after Republican cliche Joe the Plumber sat in on the Conservative Working Group's weekly strategy meeting in Washington, D.C., the AP released a pun-filled story detailing the working man's advice for the politicians. Though his attendance was likened to a Republican 'pipe dream' by the bored news reporters, many in attendance said it was good to get the perspective of a regular Joe even if his name isn’t really Joe.  

Another Seven Days of Cincy Pride and Super Bowl Sex

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A day after a national survey determined that most of America dislikes Cincinnati as much as those of us who live here, Mayor Mark Mallory came out and said, "Naw man, that survey ain't right." Only 13 percent of the 2,260 people surveyed said they'd like to live in Cincinnati, placing the Queen City 28th out of 30 cities, ahead of only fellow-dying Midwestern towns Cleveland and Detroit.  

Another Seven Days of Scary Bars and Good-Smelling Games

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A film crew from the Travel Channel's 'Ghost Adventures' TV show began its three-day ghost hunt and conference today at Bobby Mackey's Music World in Wilder. The hunt began with show host Zak Bagans focusing his kindly efforts on the establishment's basement, replete with "old brick walls and an old well that some say is the entrance to Hell."  

Another Seven Days of Gun Shortages and Cell Phone Surplusses

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 21, 2009
President-elect Barack Obama has already saved one American industry from recession: gun sellers. The Enquirer reported today that gun enthusiasts nationwide are so afraid that Obama will take away their freedom to own assault rifles and other war-style home defense tools that they're buying out local gun shops.  

Another Seven Days of Bailiff Bribes and Soda Bans

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Those of us who have been wondering what ever happened to the criminal charges brought against us months ago for being way too good at body rubs were happy to find out today that they might be gone forever. The Enquirer reported that a former bailiff is accused of taking bribes to delay cases until they´re no longer prosecutable, which takes 270 days after an arrest or 90 days in jail, and now people are demanding that their charges be dropped in accordance.