Larry Summers, head of the National Economic Council, defended the Chrysler loan this week, noting that continued job loss in the auto industry would have turned several cities into even worse places than Detroit. He later admitted that he once bought his 16-year-old a P.T. Cruiser and the kid hates him now.
The foldy paper full of graphics that even the wake-n-bake crowd can’t figure out (more popularly known as USA Today) today came out with some totally gnarly and colorful graphs depicting how the bajillion gallons of oil pumping out of BP Interesting Oil executives’ pockets and into the Gulf of Mexico will flow.
There are good reasons for sports fans to hate certain professional baseball teams, but a new algorithm that analyzes how people feel about things has determined that the Cincinnati Reds are actually the third most hated team in baseball, trailing only the Cleveland Indians and Boston Red Sox.
Further proving that Stephen Hawking’s brain is far more developed than the average American parent, The New York Times today reported that his latest piece of advice for kids — and humanity in general — is that aliens are probably real and that you should never ever try to interact with them.
Thanks to the Cincinnati Police Department, nearly 150 residents of three Section 8 buildings in Avondale had their utilities turned back on. Landlord Joseph Lentine III blamed the disruption in service first on Duke Energy. When the power was restored, it's quite likely he had to resist throwing in a Shaq-in-his-prime zinger like "at least something in those buildings is working now."
We at WWE! often blame our personal transgressions on our conservative, non-YP-friendly, poorly-led hometown (boredom has been proven to cause destructive tendencies in lab rats). But these excuses are about to be gone forever because — wait for it — the International Quilt Festival will move to Cincinnati starting in 2011! Whoot! Whoot! Whoot!
We at WWE! don't like some things because they make us mad: traffic, static cling, cats with pink noses, male politicians, really tall people, music, Ford Mustangs and getting hit on the elbow. But even worse than all these things combined? Movies. The manager of a new theater in Kenwood wants to help make the moviegoing experience more enjoyable by serving alcohol. The Sycamore Township Board of Trustees is expected to approve the liquor license.
U.S. House Minority Leader John Boehner performed the equivalent of complaining to the night manager at McDonald's when he formally urged the state of Ohio to join a lawsuit against the new federal health care law. Boehner said in a statement that the law will mean higher costs, lost jobs, fewer freedoms and blah blah blah.
It’s understandable that most of us spent St. Patrick’s Day trying to figure out what color shirt would best hide our green beer/Chipotle barf later in the evening (consensus: Notre Dame Fighting Irish basketball jersey). But instead we kept our bosses away from a Reuters report detailing how much money U.S employers lose every year during the first week of the NCAA college basketball tournament.
Ty Pennington’s chubbier, less attractive doppelganger Guy Fieri today brought his traveling show to town, spotlighting regal local eateries like Terry’s Turf Club in Linwood. While Fieri yelled about how “wild” the Turf Club is, his staff scrambled to find other local eateries to spotlight on the upcoming episode all about The Cincinnati.
It's difficult to dispute that Ronald Reagan transformed the nation's political and economic thinking. Getting poor people to believe in the trickle-down theory is like getting a sixth grader to say the Pledge of Allegiance without being scared. That's why a North Carolina congressman today suggested that the government redraw the $50 bill with Reagan's head on it.
The National Chicken Council announced that the profit margin for wings isn’t high enough to constitute raising a whole bird without selling his breast and other parts. In response, many businesses are offering “boneless wings” made of breast meat while trying to figure out what kind of sauce will make chicken necks taste good.
Last week a Vanity Fair writer named A.A. Gill riled up the pro-Cincy blogosphere by writing the following line in an introduction to a fairly obvious story about how dumb the Creation Museum is: "It's not in the nature of stoic Cincinnatians to boast, which is fortunate, really, for they have meager pickings to boast about." The statement was poorly received by Cincinnatians, though it was seen as hilarious by some for how big of a dickbag it made the writer sound.
The Enquirer today reported that 700 WLW-AM will continue broadcasting twice hourly school closing reports despite the fact that most people are more likely to check the weather on an iPhone app than by looking out a window.
The AP reported today that new evidence suggests that dinosaurs were in fact very colorful creatures, which is another hypothesis shared by researchers and little kids. Scientists expect that after minimal further study they'll be able to officially replace the old dinosaur colors, which were just made up by fifth graders anyway.