WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
Home · Articles · Columns · Worst Week Ever!
Worst Week Ever!
 

June 23-28: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The Enquirer today performed its daily newspaper version of multimedia progress, sending a reporter out with a hand-held thermometer on a 90-degree day to measure the heat. Prefacing his discoveries with the acknowledgment that only a fraction of people in Cincinnati didn't already know it was hot as hell outside, this intrepid layoff-dodger recorded such fascinating discoveries as a 113-degree metal picnic table and 133-degree asphalt.  

June 16-22: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 23, 2010
State workers may soon be able to extend their benefits to "live-in" partners. Against the idea is Citizens for Community Values leader Phil Burress, whose official statement on the issue included a disturbing metaphor about the ends of an extension cord not fitting together if each has three dicks.  

June 9-15: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 16, 2010
God today offered humanity another image to think about when he smote the 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus outside Solid Rock Church in Monroe, setting ablaze a monument that has become known to locals as "Touchdown Jesus" for its resemblance to a football referee signaling a touchdown. The statue is expected to be resurrected in the shape of Jesus dunking a basketball so the hoop can extend high into the sky and also function as a lightning rod.  

June 2-8: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 9, 2010
If you were to believe 1980s stereotypes, college fraternities and sororities would be a bunch of mean rich kids adored by administrators even though they're total dicks to everyone else (you might also believe that red cars are cool and black men are scary). To reinforce that view last week Miami University put a third sorority on probation.  

May 26-31: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Most children only have to experience the pain of touching a hot stove one time before they learn two very important lessons about life: The oven is scary and hot things aren't always red. The AP today reported bad news for a collection of adults who still haven't mastered such primitive survival skills: people who use tanning beds.  

May 19-25: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 26, 2010
We at WWE! are admittedly afraid of many things: Rollercoasters, angry PR representatives and our fathers after Bengals games are all pretty high on our lists of things to avoid. But there is one entity that scares us so badly even the mention of its name strikes fear into the most brave part of our hearts: North Korea.  

May 12-18: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Larry Summers, head of the National Economic Council, defended the Chrysler loan this week, noting that continued job loss in the auto industry would have turned several cities into even worse places than Detroit. He later admitted that he once bought his 16-year-old a P.T. Cruiser and the kid hates him now.  

May 5-11: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The foldy paper full of graphics that even the wake-n-bake crowd can’t figure out (more popularly known as USA Today) today came out with some totally gnarly and colorful graphs depicting how the bajillion gallons of oil pumping out of BP Interesting Oil executives’ pockets and into the Gulf of Mexico will flow.   

April 28-May 4: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 5, 2010
There are good reasons for sports fans to hate certain professional baseball teams, but a new algorithm that analyzes how people feel about things has determined that the Cincinnati Reds are actually the third most hated team in baseball, trailing only the Cleveland Indians and Boston Red Sox.  

April 21-27: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Further proving that Stephen Hawking’s brain is far more developed than the average American parent, The New York Times today reported that his latest piece of advice for kids — and humanity in general — is that aliens are probably real and that you should never ever try to interact with them.  

April 14-20: Worst Week Ever!

1 Comment · Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Thanks to the Cincinnati Police Department, nearly 150 residents of three Section 8 buildings in Avondale had their utilities turned back on. Landlord Joseph Lentine III blamed the disruption in service first on Duke Energy. When the power was restored, it's quite likely he had to resist throwing in a Shaq-in-his-prime zinger like "at least something in those buildings is working now."  

April 7-13: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 14, 2010
We at WWE! often blame our personal transgressions on our conservative, non-YP-friendly, poorly-led hometown (boredom has been proven to cause destructive tendencies in lab rats). But these excuses are about to be gone forever because — wait for it — the International Quilt Festival will move to Cincinnati starting in 2011! Whoot! Whoot! Whoot!  

March 31-April 6: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 7, 2010
We at WWE! don't like some things because they make us mad: traffic, static cling, cats with pink noses, male politicians, really tall people, music, Ford Mustangs and getting hit on the elbow. But even worse than all these things combined? Movies. The manager of a new theater in Kenwood wants to help make the moviegoing experience more enjoyable by serving alcohol. The Sycamore Township Board of Trustees is expected to approve the liquor license.  

March 24-30: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 31, 2010
U.S. House Minority Leader John Boehner performed the equivalent of complaining to the night manager at McDonald's when he formally urged the state of Ohio to join a lawsuit against the new federal health care law. Boehner said in a statement that the law will mean higher costs, lost jobs, fewer freedoms and blah blah blah.  

March 17-23: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 24, 2010
It’s understandable that most of us spent St. Patrick’s Day trying to figure out what color shirt would best hide our green beer/Chipotle barf later in the evening (consensus: Notre Dame Fighting Irish basketball jersey). But instead we kept our bosses away from a Reuters report detailing how much money U.S employers lose every year during the first week of the NCAA college basketball tournament.