Those of us who long ago replaced our iPods with the one Apple invented that also has a phone in it don’t have to worry about getting our cars broken into for leaving our 8-gig sitting on the seat (in which case we’d only really care about the broken window and change missing from the console). Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis today broke Rule No. 2 when it comes to leaving electronics in plain sight of thieves: Don’t forget about the charger.
People who grew up in Cincinnati generally don’t spend a lot of time trying to prove that our city is an exciting place — we’re just fine mixing our occasional cultural celebrations with regularly scheduled backyard barbecues. But even here, there occasionally occurs a cultural event so exciting that it forever alters every resident’s life forever. Such an incident occurred today when George Clooney and his family went to Northside to film the front of some buildings.
There are only two expected responses when a man is asked whether he has ever cheated on his wife: One is, “It is not true — there is no factual basis for these allegations,” and the other is, “I'll fuckin' kill you!” (More often than not the angrier option is better evidence of innocence.)
For most people, a visit to a Taco Bell restaurant is an infrequent occurrence, normally undertaken late at night after several hours of bad decisions (were you wasted or do you really believe there’s supposed to be a “fourth meal?”). As such, there’s generally little backlash when a menu item is accompanied by a surprise ingredient: “Dude, my burrito has Fritos in it … and it’s fucking delicious.”
Longtime tennis great and 1990’s camera-seller Andre Agassi once said, “Image is everything,” but it’s difficult to trust his judgment due to the fact that his cool hair was a wig and sometimes he smoked crystal meth. The same could be said for whichever new image the city of Cincinnati comes up with in response to City Councilwoman Laure Quinlivan today asking various marketing firms how they brand our city to outsiders.
We at WWE! have never found beauty pageants to be all that interesting — who wants to watch a bunch of models talk about changing the world when you can see real people eating donkey balls on three stations at any given time?
NASA today made an announcement that even the most jealous scientists recognize as a big deal: the finding of the first rocky exoplanet outside our solar system. Speaking to the American Astronomical Society in Seattle, veteran exoplanet hunter Geoffrey Marcy called the discovery “a planetary missing link,” “a bridge between the gas giant planets we’ve been finding and the Earth” and “fucking super unbelievable.”
Concern is quickly growing over the New Year's Eve deaths of red-winged blackbirds, grackles and starlings that fell out of the skies over Beebe, Ark., with the most likely explanations involving biblical end times, secret government weapons testing and aliens mistakenly thinking birds are in charge of Earth because they can fly.
A Pulitzer-winning non-partisan fact-checking site today released its “Lie of the Year” in politics, and although it had nothing to do with Boehner's un-organic skin tone it did note that the incoming House Speaker uses this year's biggest lie quite often. The winner is the claim that Obama's health-care law is a “government takeover of health care.”
There are several reasons why people outside the Midwest choose not to move to places like Ohio and Wisconsin. One such reason was on display today when sources reported that the Obama administration is taking $1.2 billion in high-speed rail money away from these states because their new Republican governors said they don't want it.
It's likely that if you're not from the East Side then you probably reacted to today's news of Sarah Palin appearing at an 11 a.m. book signing at the Harper's Point Kroger by saying, “So what? I was at work. Also, where the hell is Harper's Point?” It turns out that a lot of people know the answer (and had the day off), as about 200 showed up to see the former Alaska governor sign copies of her new book.
It's 9 p.m. on Sunday, Nov. 28: Do you know where your rifle is? If you don't then it's time to mount up because Ohio's nine-day deer hunting season runs Monday through Saturday and after that you only have two more days this year to shoot one of those bastards.
If you were to judge what marriage is like by depictions in beer commercials, you'd likely believe that most of them are pretty terrible and most husbands are real dicks who prefer doing idiotic things with their friends than spending time with their wives. In fact, a new study by the Pew Research Center found that 39 percent of Americans believe marriage is becoming obsolete. Jerry Seinfeld's hilarious TV single life apparently has spoiled it for everyone.
Local "food" producer JTM today announced the introduction of two new products to its enthralling, mysterious line of meat products that people as locally renowned as Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo have sung songs about. After a process that probably is a lot like when you would use different shaped caps to squeeze out Play Doh and add in some filler, JTM now has a reduced fat macaroni and cheese dish and breakfast burritos.