WCPO TV has reportedly secured more information about the new “Dinosaurs Alive!” attraction at Paramount’s Kings Island to be offered this year. When asked if the exhibit would feature Jesus sliding down the tail of a Camarasaurus or jousting with someone who supports the right for homosexuals to be legally married whilst perched atop a velociraptor, a park representative replied, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and besides the Creation Museum already did that.”
Most people know what it’s like to stroll into the doctor’s office for a routine checkup only to hop on the scale and receive a startling dose of reality (“yes, sir, you weigh 20 pounds more than last year; also, you can’t eat those chicken wings in here). Mayor Mark Mallory today received some bad news he probably should have expected, as the latest U.S. Census figures show a 10-percent drop in Cincinnati’s population during the last decade.
There are always going to be pluses and minuses when considering different preparations of meat for dinner: In general, the less cooked meat is more delicious but also offers the highest likelihood of poopy pants at some point in the evening. Ohio agriculture businesses today found themselves in the same predicament, only the undercooked meat was still alive and the underwear about to be ruined was their own.
Most people who have seen even just a preview for an episode of Two and a Half Men have an opinion on why some people think it’s funny to watch Charlie Sheen’s character talking about women’s boobs in front of a teenager (because they’re stupid). That’s why it was ironic today to learn that the show has been canceled due to Sheen’s increasingly crazy real life.
Those of us who long ago replaced our iPods with the one Apple invented that also has a phone in it don’t have to worry about getting our cars broken into for leaving our 8-gig sitting on the seat (in which case we’d only really care about the broken window and change missing from the console). Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis today broke Rule No. 2 when it comes to leaving electronics in plain sight of thieves: Don’t forget about the charger.
People who grew up in Cincinnati generally don’t spend a lot of time trying to prove that our city is an exciting place — we’re just fine mixing our occasional cultural celebrations with regularly scheduled backyard barbecues. But even here, there occasionally occurs a cultural event so exciting that it forever alters every resident’s life forever. Such an incident occurred today when George Clooney and his family went to Northside to film the front of some buildings.
There are only two expected responses when a man is asked whether he has ever cheated on his wife: One is, “It is not true — there is no factual basis for these allegations,” and the other is, “I'll fuckin' kill you!” (More often than not the angrier option is better evidence of innocence.)
For most people, a visit to a Taco Bell restaurant is an infrequent occurrence, normally undertaken late at night after several hours of bad decisions (were you wasted or do you really believe there’s supposed to be a “fourth meal?”). As such, there’s generally little backlash when a menu item is accompanied by a surprise ingredient: “Dude, my burrito has Fritos in it … and it’s fucking delicious.”
Longtime tennis great and 1990’s camera-seller Andre Agassi once said, “Image is everything,” but it’s difficult to trust his judgment due to the fact that his cool hair was a wig and sometimes he smoked crystal meth. The same could be said for whichever new image the city of Cincinnati comes up with in response to City Councilwoman Laure Quinlivan today asking various marketing firms how they brand our city to outsiders.
We at WWE! have never found beauty pageants to be all that interesting — who wants to watch a bunch of models talk about changing the world when you can see real people eating donkey balls on three stations at any given time?
NASA today made an announcement that even the most jealous scientists recognize as a big deal: the finding of the first rocky exoplanet outside our solar system. Speaking to the American Astronomical Society in Seattle, veteran exoplanet hunter Geoffrey Marcy called the discovery “a planetary missing link,” “a bridge between the gas giant planets we’ve been finding and the Earth” and “fucking super unbelievable.”
Concern is quickly growing over the New Year's Eve deaths of red-winged blackbirds, grackles and starlings that fell out of the skies over Beebe, Ark., with the most likely explanations involving biblical end times, secret government weapons testing and aliens mistakenly thinking birds are in charge of Earth because they can fly.
A Pulitzer-winning non-partisan fact-checking site today released its “Lie of the Year” in politics, and although it had nothing to do with Boehner's un-organic skin tone it did note that the incoming House Speaker uses this year's biggest lie quite often. The winner is the claim that Obama's health-care law is a “government takeover of health care.”
There are several reasons why people outside the Midwest choose not to move to places like Ohio and Wisconsin. One such reason was on display today when sources reported that the Obama administration is taking $1.2 billion in high-speed rail money away from these states because their new Republican governors said they don't want it.