If you were to judge what marriage is like by depictions in beer commercials, you'd likely believe that most of them are pretty terrible and most husbands are real dicks who prefer doing idiotic things with their friends than spending time with their wives. In fact, a new study by the Pew Research Center found that 39 percent of Americans believe marriage is becoming obsolete. Jerry Seinfeld's hilarious TV single life apparently has spoiled it for everyone.
Local "food" producer JTM today announced the introduction of two new products to its enthralling, mysterious line of meat products that people as locally renowned as Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo have sung songs about. After a process that probably is a lot like when you would use different shaped caps to squeeze out Play Doh and add in some filler, JTM now has a reduced fat macaroni and cheese dish and breakfast burritos.
If there's one thing that we at WWE! hope never happens, it's a high-powered local Republican suing us (seriously, how good could CityBeat's lawyers be if the paper is free?). That's why we have a well-documented history of treating local lawyer Eric Deters with respect, as he has demonstrated a willingness to file multiple lawsuits against people who say bad things about him, according to The Enquirer.
American universities year after year are forced to admit that their athletic coaches break many rules in order to win games. The University of Iowa basketball team stuck with this process, only instead of throwing awesome stripper parties last month two high school recruits got to meet celebrities Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
Jean Schmidt recently invited area Republicans to her farm for a fall party. Lawyer Liz Cheney was expected to be in attendance. Rumors remain unconfirmed that when the children were taken on a hay ride in the dark autumn night Cheney's father, former Vice President Dick Cheney, jumped out from behind a tree with a flashlight pointed toward his face and scared the shit out of everyone.
Republican gubernatorial candidate John Kasich recently described the the proposed 3C passenger rail line's 39 mile-per-hour speed as "prima facie" evidence of its stupidity. The statement was quoted in a story about how the proposed passenger rail line is dead if Kasich wins in November and included an incorrect use of "ergo de facto" that he did on purpose.
Police Chief Tom Streicher has notified his officers in a good old-fashioned memo that they should be on the lookout for distracted drivers who might be texting. A ban on texting while driving has been passed, and now, after being briefed on what exactly text messaging is, Streicher wants it to be enforced.
Most people don't remember the dude from high school who drove a Volkswagen. Why would you? He's probably right now sleeping in someone's front yard adjacent to the site of his most recent driving accident. The AP reported today that the new leader of the German automaker will soon enter discussions with NASCAR about entering one of its dangerous little cars into a race.
The Cincinnati Reds today probably won their first Central Division championship since 1995 when the St. Louis Cardinals lost to the Pittsburgh Pirates and/or the Reds defeated the Houston Astros. Should this not have occurred, it is expected to happen the following day or the next. Barry Larkin is my favorite player.
A national organization of carrot growers chose Mason High School to be one of two test schools for a new all-carrot vending machine. Assistant Principal George Coates said students have already begun purchasing the vending machine carrots, which cost 50 cents per 3-once bag, and that many students are actually eating them rather than throwing handfuls at the buses after school.
The Cincinnati Reds today honored Hit King Pete Rose on the 25th anniversary of his record-breaking 4,192nd hit, only the second time Rose has participated in an on-field activity here since his lifetime banishment in 1989 for betting on baseball. Rose afterwards attended a roast in his honor, during which he gave an emotional speech and was subsequently reinstated to Major League Baseball.
TV writer John Kiesewetter has just what you need: a place to complain about Fox 19's coverage of Sunday night's fireworks. Among Kiesewetter's complained about not being able to see the tops of the fireworks. And said his biggest problem was the wide-angle shot of the circles with a star inside because the reflection looked like a pentagram and it scared him.
We Americans are proud of the idealized version of youth that most of us at least partially experienced as children: little Billy tossing ball with dad; Sally spending time with mom learning to repair dad and Billy's jeans. The Columbus Dispatch today reported that the contemporary version is just as good, as long as Billy enjoys traveling the country reliving dad's glory days and Sally doesn't mind either being left behind or winning at all costs.
Whenever I see the name Joey Votto I am refreshed. Not only did he hit the tie-breaking homerun today, increasing his Triple Crown chances, but he looked damn good doing it! You don’t see players that look Italian anymore. 'Cause, I mean, wow. He’s really Italian looking.
Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul today told viewers of a coal-appreciation event (seriously) that President Obama doesn't care about Kentucky. Paul said that the EPA should stay out of Kentucky's business and then promised to oppose all of Obama's policies until he starts smoking cigarettes in public again.