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Worst Week Ever!
 

July 20-26: Worst Week Ever!

1 Comment · Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Barack Obama and John Boehner walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here … just kidding — what do you assholes want?” This stupid joke is a lot funnier than what actually happened when Obama and Boehner walked into a meeting room in an attempt to avoid a government default, only to walk back out and blame each other for walking away.  

July 13-19: Worst Week Ever!

1 Comment · Wednesday, July 20, 2011
There are certain topics that newspaper headline writers enjoy a lot, the type of stories that allow for the creation of puns so funny that every elderly person who can still read 48-point font will laugh until they pee their pants (and then hopefully laugh about that). One such topic offered itself to The Enquirer today — the possible legalization of medical marijuana — and its online editor came through with the following: “Pot ballot measure now a joint effort.”  

July 6-12: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Every construction manager understands that sometimes there’s just no way around taking a break from the job — between bad weather, lost materials or John Kasich, something is bound to slow down production. Highway workers outside of Columbus today found out the hard way that just about anything can send you home early — hardhat and lunchmeat sandwich in hand.  

June 29-July 5: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, July 6, 2011
It’s refreshing to hear Cincinnati City Councilpersons discuss forward-thinking concepts — remember when they figured out a way to get the garbage picked up for free so no one had to pay for it? Buncha geniuses.   

June 22-28: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 29, 2011
There are some things that business owners don’t need to fully understand — where their products come from, how much the excessive packaging will affect the Earth in 2050, whether or not too much contact with what they’re selling can cause mice to see the future (fine, be skeptical!). One such question will soon be answered by a new University of Cincinnati study: whether or not putting a sign in front of a business actually attracts customers.  

June 15-21: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Angry Vancouver residents took to the streets today after their beloved Canucks lost Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals to the Boston Bruins, doing their best to re-create scenes from the last stages of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Coverage of the riot began once the American media’s disbelief of the normally docile Canadians’ ability to riot subsided, and was followed by the filing of video that surprisingly showed that those participating were not wearing flannel shirts.  

June 8-14: Worst Week Ever

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Steve Chabot banned cameras from a town hall meeting in Green Township for “security purposes.” Chabot then advised residents to fight a new plan to add public housing units to the neighborhood, though his speech was reportedly cut short when he saw a guy playing “Angry Birds” on a cell phone and thought he was recording a video and laughing.  

June 1-7: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 8, 2011
We were happy today to have one more reason not to go to Amelia: We prefer to avoid places that don’t have police forces. Village leaders have already asked the county sheriff if he will help out if any teenagers figure out that the high school’s football helmets look like anarchy signs and start freaking out.  

May 25-31: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Ohio State University football coach Jim Tressel today resigned amid investigations into rule violations by his players, only to have the school and its fans respond with a heartfelt :’(. Tressel, who is best known for wearing sweater vests, beating Michigan and pretending to be the dad in Family Ties, said his departure is what’s best for the university.  

May 16-24: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 25, 2011
It’s rare that scientists are able to figure out exactly when an invasive species was introduced to an area — there is generally more than one person at a time who thinks it’s funny to see what a weird animal from Australia will do if you let it loose in your own neighborhood (probably get killed by cats, maybe eat a bird). The Enquirer today reported that one such not-so-local species — the European wall lizard — followed a different path to Cincinnati.  

May 11-17: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Do you know someone who insists on carrying a concealed weapon in public? Probably the type of person willing to jump to action at the first sign of injustice, using his or her weapon only for good and never accidentally shooting anyone or raging?  

May 4-10: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 11, 2011
John Boehner today said the government needs to consider trillions of dollars worth of cuts before he will agree to raise the debt limit but no one could tell if he was serious because he was crying and smiling at the same time.  

April 27-May 3: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 4, 2011
It’s typically not a big deal to hop on a city bus in the morning, ask the bus driver if it’s going in the direction you think you left your car the night before and then enjoy the air-conditioned ride back to wherever you got wasted (Metro bus driver: “I ain’t mad at ya.”). Such understanding is apparently not always to be expected by professional drivers in Austin, Tex., one of whom recently determined on his own that two women shouldn’t be escorted in the direction of a Planned Parenthood clinic for fear that they might get abortions.  

April 20-26: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 27, 2011
It’s common among men who are afraid of homosexuality to ignore its existence, convincing themselves that every Ricky Martin music video is just another example of a very attractive, well-groomed man who loves dancing and also his wife.   

April 13-19: Worst Week Ever!

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Successful people understand that sometimes even the smartest individuals need to defer to the expertise of others: President Obama doesn’t ask a bunch of questions about how space shuttles work; just tells the astronauts to blast off and have a good time floating around. That’s why it was pretty annoying today to listen to Gov. John Kasich — a 58-year-old Republican who pretty much epitomizes Suck.