Oklahoma politicians make national news for reasons you would have guessed; Ohio continues to wish there was some sort of way to figure out how to legalize weed; Ohio police appear not to get why people want them to wear body cams and more.
Texas town spends $60 million on high school football stadium; good folks of the internet offer helpful assistance with George Zimmerman's punk-ass gun sale; historic mosaic pieces coming to a convention center near you and more.
Ted Cruz emulates humanoid behavior by talking about 'could have would have should have'; Facebook adds new feature to appear thankful without actually having to say it; local hipster points accrued for celebrating Mother's Day before it was cool and more.
Nefarious weasel takes time out of busy day to knock superconducting machine offline; Colorado gets high enough to come up with radical idea; washed-up liquor spokesperson brings bankruptcy and bad attitude to Coney Town and more.
Dayton becomes first Ohio city to take stance against other states that are dumb; spawn of Donald Trump avoid having to vote for evil father; celebration of new soccer team's first win includes theft of team's banner and more.
State department advises ugly Americans to stay home and watch TV on Spring Break; John Kasich reportedly willing to start talking about being 'on fleek' and swagger'; bored with fucking up the government, tea party legislators leave office and more.
Pollution of America's waterways temporarily produces artificial beauty; Cowboys owner/noted medical genius sees no link between NFL and brain disease; God isn't the only sky creature who has no love for most of the human race and more.
Pope joins Instagram to the delight of online believers; GOP will not consider SCOTUS nominee or anything else Obama wants; scientists believe dogs are more intelligent than we give the little bastards credit for and more.
Republican group might need to hire one of them social media managers; Syrian refugees introduced to Western culture courtesy of furry convention; Trump revises Cincinnati trip fearing how tiny hands would look holding a coney and more.
FBI confused about iPhones, proposes trampling privacy rights to address issue; officer not charged in crash thanks to helpful coworkers; rad tech used to determine identity of artist who wished to remain anonymous and more.
Kase Dawg realizes he has zero shot of becoming prez; service animals can only be certain types of animals, because people ruin everything; supreme court justice performs job duties like stoned, shy high school student and more.