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Estrangement in a Strange Land
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Bran Studmuffins

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 29, 2005
(Pg. 3: Editor's Letter) Dear readers: For the seventh straight year, the editorial staffs of AARP, The Magazine and People are proud to team up to bring you this, our AARPeople Sexiest Man Barel  

Viable GOPtions

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Republicans weren't happy. But then, like iguanas and Klingons, they never are. Their latest bit of misery flowed from Senate Democrats' willingness to use the filibuster (or the threat of it) to   

I'm a Papal Person

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 27, 2005
April 15, 2005 Dear Conclave of Cardinals, I hope this letter, and the enclosed résumé, does not arrive too late for me to be considered for the position of Pope. It has long been a goa  

Estrangement in a Strange Land: Writing Wrongs

0 Comments · Wednesday, March 30, 2005
God bless Jose Canseco. Really. God bless every rippling, bulging, disproportionate, fatless ounce of him. His admission, endorsement and portrayal of steroid use in the pursuit of baseball superst  

Morning Becomes Electric

0 Comments · Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Pre-dawn. Post-alarm clock. I, Bob, an acknowledged sentient entity, the man I know and have never quite warmed up to, do not brew the coffee. No. My alter ego, an anonymous cataleptic mass of coh  

Detroit Lyin'

0 Comments · Wednesday, January 26, 2005
DETROIT, MICH., Jan. 24, 2005 -- The biggest news to come out of this year's North American International Auto Show, concluded last Sunday in Detroit, was the joint announcement by the Big Three aut  

Year Wax

0 Comments · Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Every December, periodicals and news programs are lousy with recaps of the year's biggest, best and worst world, national and local events. I hate that. Around this same time, Christmas cards fill   

100 Days of Solitude

0 Comments · Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Day 1: I am alone. Abandoned. Mateless. The Partner, a successful consultant to large corporations in need of role models for their unsuccessful consultants, left a few hours ago for a "short term   

Estrangement in a Strange Land: Crazy for Bush

(An open letter to America's mentally competent)

0 Comments · Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Dear Sane, You know me. You just don't know it. I'm the bushy-bearded guy you'll occasionally spot who wears the zipped-to-the-neck goose down parka and thermal hunting cap in 90 degree summer hea  

Bio Hazardous

0 Comments · Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Reprinted with permission from the program for TempoTantrum, An Evening of Multiform Movement and Dance, presented at the Armour® Potted Meat Perform-ing Arts Center, Sept. 24-26, 2004. Chore  

Bagging the Youth Market

0 Comments · Wednesday, August 25, 2004
FRITO-LAY, ABSOLUT TO LAUNCH NEW LINE OF "SPIRITED" SNACKS (Aug. 24, 2004; Dallas, TX) Frito-Lay, the global leader in the manufacture and sale of snack food products, announced today that, in coop  

Shorn of Plenty

0 Comments · Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Mom had no training as a barber. Neither was she a hairstylist. Fact is, Mom never could and still can't shave her underarms and get them to "come out even." Yet, up until I was 5, Mom cut my hair.  

Your Line Is Not Dead

0 Comments · Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Dear Valued Customer, It happens all the time. To busy people. To smart people. To important people. In other words, to people like you. Imagine: You're anxiously awaiting a certain phone call. Ho  

Jock the Vote

0 Comments · Wednesday, May 26, 2004
As you might recall, at a certain point during the presidential campaign of 2000 we were informed by the people who inform us of such things that Soccer Moms, a newly identified voting bloc, would   

Ahhh, Mint-y Fresh

0 Comments · Wednesday, April 28, 2004
In 1999, the U.S. Mint launched the 50 State Quarters Program. The purpose of the program is to honor each state by featuring, on a quarter's reverse, a design created by and representative of said