WEDNESDAY 10 P.M. Bathroom Tech, The History Channel. From tub to toilet to toothpaste, find out everything you ever wanted to know about the most used and least discussed room in the house. From the first home bathrooms in ancient India, Roman latrines and bizarre Victorian-era bath contraptions, to modern master bathroom suites, trace the history of bathing, showering and oral hygiene. Bring something to read.
THURSDAY 10 P.M. Secrets of a Geisha, National Geographic. A part of traditional Japanese culture famous for its secrecy and discretion, the world of the geisha has been redefined in modern times. Once characterized as seductresses and experts in the art of physical pleasure, geishas are now seen as highly paid hostesses and entertainers trained to sing, dance and play musical instruments. Men, sometimes with their wives, pay for their company. Meet a young woman who left her family's home to pursue a career as a geisha and achieve financial independence.
SATURDAY 12 P.M. NFL Draft, ESPN. OK, once your team picks and you see where, say, Ben Roethlisberger (Miami of Ohio) goes, it's pretty much over
SATURDAY 9 P.M. Dinocroc, Sci-Fi. Costas Mandylor takes on a colossal crocodile in this original cable movie from Roger Corman. A croc apparently gets injected with some kind of growth hormone, and stars growing larger and larger. Mandylor is the Australian crocodile hunter sent to help. Crikey!
SUNDAY 9 P.M. American Icons: History Channel. "The Convertible." Get behind the wheel of this driving phenomenon to find out what makes the convertible an icon. Take a quick stop at Ford's 100th anniversary celebration and later, learn how both convertible makers and convertible owners go to great lengths to make "the drive" a sublimely satisfying experience. Speaking of which, whatever happened to that other great American driving icon, mooning?
SUNDAY 10 P.M. Comedy Central Bar Mitzvah, Comedy Central. The network turns 13 and throws itself a party. Loads of stand-up, clips and so on. Toasters include Dave Attell, Drew Barrymore, Lewis Black, Mario Cantone, Adam Carolla, Cedric The Entertainer, Dane Cook, Judy Gold, D.L. Hughley, Colin Quinn, Ray Romano, Jeffrey Ross, David Spade and Wanda Sykes.
TUESDAY 8 P.M. Land of Lost Monsters, Animal Planet. This two-hour special re-creates the extraordinary moments when modern humans first arrived in Australia, Europe and the New World. With impressive computer graphics imaging, viewers will witness animals unlike they've ever imagined. Humans are on the menu for many of these prehistoric creatures, including an eagle with a 15-foot wingspan and a dinosaur-sized Komodo dragon called a Megalania. It must have really been concerned about making lots of money. Oh, no that's megalomania.
NEWS & NOTES: In Living Color: The Complete First Season is out on DVD. One of the best sketch comedy series ever, this program featured Keenan Ivory Wayans (who created it), his brother Damon and pre-blockbuster-movie star Jim Carrey. The greatest testament to the show's success? It ticked off nearly everyone at some point -- now that's comedy. ... Our Bengals will make two appearances in prime-time this fall. Sunday, Sept. 19 (the home opener) and Monday, Oct. 25 against Denver, also at home. Hmmm. Doesn't feel cold.