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Monkey Business

Music News, Tid-Bits and Other Morsels

By · March 1st, 2006 · Minimum Gauge

Pistol-Whipping the Rock Hall

While artists like KISS, Iggy Pop and Patti Smith (and their fans) eagerly await invites into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, two of this year's inductees who have long been outspoken about their trepidation toward the Hall are pissing all over the honor. In a hand-scribbled note on their U.K. Web site (resembling something you'd use to rob a bank), the Sex Pistols indicate that they will not show up to the Hall of Fame ceremonies this month in New York City. "Were (sic) not coming ... were (sic) not your monkey," the post reads (ironically, the band, of course, got their start as monkeys -- Malcolm McLaren's monkeys). Meanwhile, Black Sabbath's members will likely be in attendance but, according to drummer Bill Ward's Web site, they won't perform. Singer Ozzy Osbourne had previously asked for Sabbath to be removed from consideration, since fans have no input. Meanwhile, Ozzy's latest move? An "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercial in the U.K., featuring Ozzy and an Ozzy lookalike. Which is surely something the fans endorsed.

Original Members Only

South Dakota is greasing the pole for a Supreme Court showdown over abortion, but Pennsylvania has its eye on different pressing issue.

Instigated by a campaign by the Vocal Group Hall of Fame, Pennsylvania's governor recently signed into law "Truth in Music" legislation, making it illegal for groups to call themselves, say, The Platters or The Temptations, if at least one of the members is not from the original incarnations. If a group is caught breaking the new law, they can be fined up to $15,000. Several other states are considering the law. Not only have the fake knock-off bands been taking jobs from the originals, but some former singers have also gone broke fighting the frauds in court. Great, now we'll have to call our new cash-cow touring scheme the New New Kids on the Block.

The Boy With the Warrant-less Wiretap in His Side?

President Bush has insisted that his "domestic eavesdropping" crusade directly targets only overseas phone calls to terrorists. So don't be shocked when his administration finds a way to tie Smiths' singer Morrissey to al-Queda (we suggest tampering with one of Bin Laden's video missives so it sounds like he's singing "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out"). The singer recently told Britain's NME that he was interviewed by the FBI and British intelligence, he believes because of his acerbic public scrutiny of our Commander in Chief. In 2004, relaying the news that Ronald Reagan died to an audience in Ireland, Morrissey reportedly said he wished it would have been Bush, and he once wrote on his Web site that "Bush has single-handedly turned the United States into the most neurotic and terror-obsessed country on the planet." There goes his invite to sing at President Jeb Bush's inauguration in 2008.


We'll throw this nugget into the "Cold" section (because someone from Creed is mentioned), but we couldn't be happier to hear that Kid Rock and his legal team have, at least for now, successfully stopped the distribution of a sex tape featuring Mr. Rock and former Christian Rock frontman-turned-drunken-lout Scott Stapp. As much as we hate to, it should be noted that the two are not having sex with each other, but rather with a gaggle of groupies. An online, non-explicit preview of the tape (which has since been taken down due to the court action) showed a shy and sheepish Rock greeting "fans" and Stapp, mid-BJ, telling the camera, "It's good to be king" (let that irony sink in for minute, Jesus fans). Throw Fred Durst and that short guy from Yellowcard in there and you've got the makings for the worst gay porn movie ever! Rock should get a Presidential Medal of Freedom for his efforts -- if people rioted over a political cartoon, just imagine the devastation this frightening piece of tape could cause.



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