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Frothy sex byproducts grease up the sheets and everything else

By Dan Savage · August 27th, 2003 · Savage Love
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Take a word of advice from a doctoral student of communications at an Ivy League university: If you want your message to stick, you need to repeat it over and over and over. The reactionaries in our government certainly understand this. We progressives also need to embrace this strategy to get our message out.

Therefore, if you want the new meaning of the word "santorum" to stick -- that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that's sometimes the byproduct of anal sex -- you need to make semi-regular use of it over a long period of time. You have to force it into popular parlance. If you hold any sway over your fellow advice columnists, I suggest you ask them to make use of the word as well. Remember how well "pegging" went over at frst? But by not using it over and over, it faded. Don't let "santorum" fade. It certainly doesn't from the sheets.

-- Philly Peef

Thanks for sharing, PP, and perhaps I have been too lax about using the word "peg" in the column. But I do get letters all the time from readers who use "peg" to mean "a woman doing a man in the ass with a strap-on," and, out of pure defensiveness, I've included one in this column. So I would like to believe "peg" is taking root out there, even if I'm not forcing "peg" into every column.

As for "santorum," clearly buttfuckers everywhere were aching for a word to describe the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. The word is turning up in letters to Savage Love, of course, but also in overheard conversations in swanky restaurants and on T-shirts. (More on both below.) To fnd out if my fellow advice columnists would be willing to use "santorum" in their columns, I contacted two of the advice columnist out there I really like.

Margo Howard, who pens Dear Prudence, which originated in Slate and is now widely syndicated, wasn't up for it. "Would Prudie mention your interesting 'frothy mix' in her column?" Howard asked. "Prudie would not. And she thinks anyone who would be mixing up such a potion would not be writing to her in the frst place." Those people, Prudie is too polite to point out, would be writing letters to me. Carolyn Hax, who writes the column Tell Me About It, which originates in The Washington Post, also wasn't game. "I defer to Savage Love on frothy sex byproducts, unless it's the beach scene in From Here to Eternity," Hax said.

Besides, "taking the word mainstream would strip it of its cachet."

So if the new meaning of the "santorum" is going to stick, PP, it looks like I'll have to spread "santorum" around all by myself.

A buddy of mine and I have been working on launching an "obnoxious T-shirt" Web site. Since I have been following the "selecting-a-sex-act-and-naming-it-santorum" tale with much delight, I thought we could help further the cause of linking Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania with lube-and-fecal-matter in the public consciousness by creating some santorum T-shirts. We have three slogans/designs available in several colors and many sizes. The shirts are perfect for bar hopping and dinner with your Republican boss. The website is www.extraugly.com; the santorum shirts are in the right column.

-- Politicians Out Of Private Stuff
P.S. What do you think of the shirts? And should we send one to the senator?

I think your T-shirts are delightful, POOPS, and by all means I think you should send one to Sen. Santorum -- preferably one with an honest-to-God, didn't-come-off-in-the-wash santorum stain on it.

I would like to congratulate you on what appears to be a successful effort to introduce a new word into the English language. Your recent series of extremely interesting letters and the contest to fnd a new use for that useless windbag Santorum have worked admirably.

Let me explain: I was recently in a restaurant in New York having dinner with my wife. (The restaurant in question is Rosewater, and I recommend it if you happen to be in the Park Slope area of Brooklyn.) While my wife was using the ladies' room, I overheard the word "santorum," and of course my ears perked up. My neighbors, two women and a man, were not only discussing your column, Dan, but their approval of the new meaning of santorum and how useful it would be for them. All this over Chilean sea bass and smoked duck! How is Sen. Santorum taking all this?

-- Ted

I don't know how Sen. Santorum is taking all this, Ted, and when I called his offce to inquire -- well, let's just say he had no comment. In fact, no one in his offce would even take my call. Which struck me as rude but, hey, I'm not a constituent. Perhaps a reader who lives in Pennsylvania, the state Santorum represents, would have better luck contacting the senator. (You can e-mail Rick at senator@santorum.senate.gov or reach him by phone at 202-224-6324.) I'll present anyone who can get an on-the-record comment from Santorum or his spokesperson with a case of lube and a selection of santorum T-shirts from extraugly.com.

I'm a 25-year-old who's into pegging and think that this characteristic could/should be seen as attractive by women. The problem is getting this message out. Call me a slut, but I just want to get as much pegging as possible and don't care if it's a one-night peg or a long-term peg. If a man were to say he's up for some pegging to a woman, what would she say? I think pegging would be very high on any woman's list of things to do.

-- Pegging Eager Greedy Male Ends

Women into pegging are few and far between, PEGME, although they do tend to be concentrated in urban areas and, as such, are over-represented among the readers of papers like this one. Nevertheless, "goodbye" is what most women would say when asked to peg -- AKA fuck a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo. Most will fear that you're queer or too kinky for them, or they might just not be into anal sex, whether they're backing up or being backed up on. But you should ask anyway, PEGME. You're clearly not going to be satisfed in a relationship with a woman who isn't into pegging, so why not scare off the women who aren't?

After my wife and I enjoyed a nice round of anal sex, she became gassy and, just before bed she, well, she stank up the can, which is usually my job. She claims the santorum I left in her ass must have been the cause. Do you know if there's any medical validity to this claim? Or was it something she ate?

-- Fucking Ass Results (in) Terrible Stench

A fucked butt isn't necessarily a stanky butt, FARTS, but depending on what kind of lube you used, how much you used and how much santorum you managed to leave in the wife, well, it's entirely possible she had a reaction that turned her into a gassy can-stanker-upper. Or it could have been something she ate. The only way to fnger the culprit -- was it the santorum? the meal? -- is to fuck her butt again using the same lube, but this time on an empty stomach.

 
 
 
 

 

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