"This dance ain't for everybody; only the sexy people."
Hasn't it been too long?
How long has it been since April 7, 2001? How long since we were at war? Are we at war?
Do you believe the president? Trust him? Prayin' for him? Are you afraid?
Aren't local weather forecasters weapons of mass destruction? Ready for summer? How come those all-day people on warm-weather corners aren't working? Can you help them? Can you spare a dime?
Can you spare a rhyme? Don't you miss 144,000 at The Greenwich? Have you checked in at the Ra Ra Session?
Remember the first time you heard WCIN? Remember the last time?
Don't we have two/too many stadiums and not nearly enough metered parking spaces? Aren't you glad the meter readers are too lazy to ticket in bad weather? Do you think they're reading this?
Why is new Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis expected to win more games, represent his people, save the city, make us feel good about ourselves and be so Huxtable clean? Why didn't we make the role of savior a job requirement for former coach Dick LeBeau?
Speaking of "saviors," aren't you surprised by the number of Negroes tucked in at the grown-up table at City Hall? What is black power? Is it talk radio or upward mobility, and how much does it cost? Is it 50 Cent?
Did you hear about all those black people shooting and stabbing each other at the 50 Cent show in da club at The Next Level? Me neither.
We know the cops work when they want, but who owns up to all these violent crimes black folks keep perpetrating on one another? Aren't you tired of being a statistic?
The newly appointed Los Angeles police chief said he wouldn't tolerate cops who "break the law to enforce the law." Isn't police leadership refreshing? Like an accountability enema?
Do you feel safer since the introduction of the expanded hate crime ordinance? Isn't war a hate crime? Did somebody say "crime and punishment?"
Aren't you glad Black History Month is nearly over? Hasn't it made us lazy and overly self-aware? Isn't the 28-day restraint minimizing? Like Viagra in reverse?
Are you gettin' any? Do you require assistance? Does it split your wig? Do you remain calm?
Know any black nerds? Are you one? Am I?
Who's hoarding all the rock salt?
Aren't you glad there's Kabaka Oba? What's General Nikki X growing beneath that Tower of Badu?
Didn't Erykah Badu make perfect sense at her sold-out Feb. 16 Bogart's show? How cool would it be to see the mayor at a cultural event and he not look like he was desperate for a hiding place?
Does this appear easy? Would you like to try it? Are you lying?
Won't you miss The Cincinnati Post? Once it's gone, do you think The N-quirer will get better or worse? Now that he's dipped for Philly, won't you miss Jason Fagone's sentences in the pages of Cincinnati Magazine?
Marco Allen Chapman stabbed to death 6-year-old Cody Sharon and 7-year-old Chelbi Sharon. What's the proper sentence for him? Is there adequate compensation for the destruction of unfulfilled lives?
Aren't you going to check out the fire exits next time you go to a nightclub? Shouldn't we all just start staying home? Isn't life starting to feel like combat?
And just when it is, doesn't your jam come on the radio and make you go, "Haaaay! Hooo!" Shouldn't they rename the Grammys to the Shammies? Or how about The Painfully Long Ceremony Exalting Artistic Mediocrity? Would that fit on the trophy?
Did you know sunlight deprivation causes vitamin deficiencies, which cause depression? Do you look up words you don't know or do you fake it?
Do you know an axis of evil?
Does Osama Bin Laden tell jokes? Are they funny? If his minions don't laugh, will they live to talk about it?
Do you need a hero?
Is R. Kelly guilty? Do you feel creeped out when his music comes on the radio? Do you change the station? Isn't listening to "It's the remix to 'Ignition'/it's hot and fresh out the kitchen" like aural voyeurism?
Are you surprised by Jerry Springer's political aspirations? Isn't America wonderfully depraved? Doesn't it make you wanna holla?
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