What should I be doing instead of this?
Home · Articles · Columns · Your Negro Tour Guide · Going Hmmm... Too

Going Hmmm... Too

By Kathy Y. Wilson · August 30th, 2001 · Your Negro Tour Guide

Why are grown Negroes wearing Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids clothing? And why are they operating those remote control cars downtown?

Have you seen Mister Charlie's commercials? Doesn't he have big ones telling us what he will and will not tolerate? Is it ever too early to start campaigning? Isn't it futile to demonize people who don't think like you?

Will Courtis Fuller stand for anything? Will we? Do you? Are we ever going to change our ways?

Are you jealous that men can pee anywhere? Are you jealous that women can have babies?

Did welfare-to-work work?

Isn't the Northern Kentucky side of the riverfront making the Ohio side look barren and boring? How many county commissioners does it take to build too many stadiums?

Is Cincinnati still a great place to raise a family?

Why do TV news crews always interview the dumbest people?

Did you see the August issue of Cincinnati Magazine? With all those Negroes in one place at once, did it remind you of Black History Month?

What's up with hoopties with 30-day tags? What's up with people talking on cell phones on the bus? Shouldn't they be able to afford to drive if they can afford minutes? Isn't E-Check a waste of everyone's time and money?

Speaking of a waste of time, can Cincinnati CAN really tell us anything we don't already know? Are they meeting right now?

Didn't Michael Jackson used to be a black boy? Didn't RuPaul? Didn't Scirocco?

Doesn't it make you chuckle to see a white boy sportin' a crew cut driving a car blasting hardcore Rap music? Does that mean black boys are gonna start blasting Classical?

Wasn't Hip Hop supposed to be the music that wouldn't last? Then why does almost every commercial use some from of it to sell stuff?

Why do foul-mouthed rappers always thank God and their mammas?

Exactly whom are pollsters polling? Is it you? Did you fill out the U.S.

Census form? Doesn't it seem sinister?

Are you registered to vote? Why? Are we No. 1? Do you buy American? Have you ever been mellow? Do you ever try? Are you afraid? Do you feel lucky? Do you play the lottery? Are you a sucker?

Aren't cops just gang members? When was the last time you said "nigger" or "nigga?" Know any whiggers?

Aren't White Castle hamburgers funky? Isn't that part of the appeal?

Don't you miss Marvin Gaye? Do all Jazz musicians die tragically? Isn't Bill Clinton really a Negro? Would Colin Powell get the same reception if he moved to Harlem?

Do you love your job?

Did everyone in the room ever stare at you when you walked in like you didn't belong there?

Shouldn't P. Diddy be arrested for calling Asian people "Orientals?" Isn't that a rug or a vase? How would he feel if Jackie Chan called him a spade?

Isn't Jay Leno corny? What was Johnny Carson thinking? Whatever happened to Arsenio Hall? Isn't it better this way?

Couldn't you swear you hear gun shots? If Cincinnati cops get paid overtime, does that mean they'll have to start policing again?

Can you feel me? What's my name? Whose is it?

What would Jesus do?

If fall is near, doesn't that mean it's time for white folks to start drinking beer in the streets? How come there's no festival around with brothas drinking 40s in the streets?

Aren't you gonna miss making fun of Mister Rogers?

Are you working for peace and racial harmony like the bumper sticker says? Isn't Mariah Carey half-black? Then why isn't she acting like it?

Shouldn't Channel 12 news anchor Rob Braun stop dying his hair?

You got any love for Ross Love? Isn't Tupac dead?

Did you read about Charlie Luken getting' dissed in the August issue of Vibe? Doesn't that make it unanimous?

Do you fear a black planet?

How come Showcase Cinemas had only two showings of John Singleton's Baby Boy? How come they were both at night? Is it any wonder black movies fare so poorly?

Speaking of faring poorly, have you been going to the Esquire Theatre? Why?

Aren't you glad school's back in?

Why does Cincinnati love its black athletes but kill its black men? Is Stephen Roach guilty? Have you forgotten?

Is it me or is time flying by? Is your house in order? Do you have safe sex? Doesn't Maxwell's music make you wanna have sex?

Are you still reading The N-quirer? Why?

You don't want anymore, do you?



comments powered by Disqus