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The Dating

By Erma P. Sanders · April 13th, 2000 · Diva
If you're like me -- one of the unlucky ones -- you spent Opening Day, at work or some other place that wasn't the stadium. Since it poured rain, I don't feel too bad, but for the fans who got drenched, I'm sure it wasn't the best of days. I like baseball. Not love it, but like it enough to watch it on television and attend a few live games.

A baseball game is a good date. There's something to watch; there's enough downtime to spend talking; and it's good deal because, figuring the length of the game and the expenses involved (tickets, parking, drinks and snacks), it's a fair price per hour.

I haven't had too many baseball dates. I think some guys are afraid the women will be bored or talk at the wrong times. Usually to convince a guy to take you to a ballgame, you have to convince him that you are indeed interested, can name some of the players and won't bitch about the rain delays or the long lines in the bathroom.

I once went to a ballgame with Psycho Greg. It was a night game and, following the game, was a Beach Boys concert that would take place right in the middle of the field.

It was a date that would last well past midnight, if the game had come to it's natural conclusion. But Greg was like some schizophrenic Cinderella. At midnight his medication wore off or he was possessed by demons or something, and he would just go crazy.

Actually the whole night was a bust. He complained about our seats. He complained that the game was taking too long. Once the game was over, he complained that it was taking too long to set up the stage for the concert. At one point, I offered to get my own ride home. I wanted to see the Beach Boys, with the cheesy cheerleaders on the side and some fill-ins for the regular members who don't tour anymore. As long as Mike Love and Carl Wilson were on hands, what was Psycho's problem?

Actually, all of my dates with Greg ended up in some schizoidy drama by the end. It was short relationship, and I feel no shame in having a textbook crazy dump me. He was actually fun in his lucid moments. And he didn't turn me off from baseball dates. My current man, who eats those Big Red Smokies, (which smell like week old road kill) and drinks himself into incoherence, is still a fun baseball date. He pays for my food and any souvenir I might want. And he never seems to mind if I have to ask him a question about a play.

If buzz and ticket sales are any indication, this is going to be a great baseball year. If you're tired of the typical dinner and movie date, then a baseball game is the answer. Ladies, don't be afraid to ask a fella you're interested in to escort you to Cinergy. Guys and gals, if there is someone you're interested in but are too shy to ask out, a group baseball outing is the answer. A baseball game à deux is fun, but a group makes it even better and takes some of the pressure off.

I already have tickets for a few home games in the near future, and I have a date. I hope to see plenty of couples there, sharing a bag of peanuts and rooting for the Reds.



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