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The Dating

By Erma P. Sanders · March 2nd, 2000 · Diva
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Last night I was in the bathroom in the middle of the night, sick as can be. I got to thinking about things in relationships that I'd like to see change this century. You just never know where an idea is going to hit you. First, I hope men and women get a better feel for controlling their gag reflex. One of the most important aspects in a relationship is communication, but not everyone is able to express themselves well verbally.

Nothing says I don't like you more than a well-timed projectile vomit. Think about it. There'd be no more unwanted sexual advances. No "he said/she said" discrepancies about the meaning of "no." Nothing says "leave me the hell alone" like puking on somebody. I actually learned this back in a self defense class.

If you are being attacked, force yourself to blow chunks. It will knock the wind out of any man's sails. I threw up on my man, unintentionally, during an intimate encounter and, believe me, any romantic notions were gone with the wind. Or in my case, gone with the spicy chili.

Gross, yes. But as men and women still struggle to find ways to express their desires to each other, sometimes desperate measures much be taken. And there's nothing like a new century to bring a good idea to the forefront.

This century -- and sooner rather than later -- I'd like to see gay marriage legalized. If I have to suffer a crippling tax penalty just for being married, then I want everybody to have the chance to suffer.

If I can be sued and have my wages garnisheed for any financial trouble my spouse gets into, then I think gay couples should live under that same umbrella of fear. Really, I know that gay marriage isn't really about the legal ramifications of marriage such as medical benefits and inheritance laws: It's about acceptance.

The reality is the majority of heterosexual marriages will fail. Single parent families are the norm. Children born out of wedlock are commonplace. And living together before or instead of marriage are all now acceptable. Not always desirable, but acceptable. Yet a legally married couple is still the only relationship that is socially recognized as the ideal. I think the legalization of gay marriage is the only means we have as a society to demonstrate that we think a gay relationship is okay.

Although it is already available in some states, this century I'd like to see prenuptial agreements eliminated. Except in cases where children from prior relationships are involved.

Also I think it should be more difficult to get a divorce. Except in cases of abuse, the law should compel you to try to work things out. It is too easy to end a relationship and makes marriage vows and commitment seem like a joke. Geez, that's what dating is for: To weed out what you want and don't want in a relationship.

Date, date, date. Date a lot. Have sex with a lot of people. Go through men and women like a box of Kleenex and know what you're getting. But, when you stand before some officiant and say those vows, you have to mean it. You should be forced to stay married for at least a period of a few years before you can get out of the relationship.

I apologize for disrespecting my Daddy who had one of his marriages last only a few weeks. But if he had meant his vows when he said 'em and would have been compelled to spend at least a couple of years with Evelyn, then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have married her at all. Which would have saved a whole lot of people, including Daddy, much aggravation and expense. This should be the century of thinking before you act and then living with the choices you made. My momma told that the only lessons worth learning are the ones that don't come easy.

In summary, when you can't talk, puke. Gay marriage is all good. And if you can't stand the heat, you shouldn't have gone in the kitchen.

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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