WEDNESDAY FEB. 6
The BBC reported today that a suicide bomber reached Israel by way of Egypt for the first time in more than a year, and the small U.S.-backed and Muslim-hated nation isn't happy. Now Israel wants to build a giant fence to separate it from countries that don't respect its existence, but the United States said it will support the fence only if it resembles the outfield walls of popular American baseball parks. Initial designs include a replica of Wrigley Field's ivy-covered brick wall along the Egyptian border, with a raised green fence resembling Boston's Green Monster separating Israel and Gaza.
THURSDAY FEB. 7
Indian Hill physician Victoria Wulsin is racking up local Democratic support for the party's nomination for the 2nd Congressional District race this fall. Wulsin lost the bid in 2006 to Republican Jean Schmidt, who often dresses like a stuck-up lady from 1920s Germany. Local Dems who said good things about Wulsin in today's Enquirer story include County Commission President Todd Portune, Vice Mayor David Crowley and Councilwoman Laketa Cole, who all agree that Wulsin cares about important issues. The race is expected to be close this year because Schmidt recently changed her hairdo so she'd look less frightening.
FRIDAY FEB. 8
The AP reported today that the founder of our country's largest biblical interpretation museum says that evolution is based on racist beliefs and that Darwinism was largely to blame for the bad things that Adolph Hitler and Josef Stalin did. Ken Ham, whose $27 million Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky has attracted tens of thousands of people to models of humans living among dinosaurs, said that although Darwin didn't create racism he's the one who made it cool.
But Eugenie Scott from the National Center for Science Education said that Hitler thought Aryan superiority was God-given and that Ham can't say shit about that. Ham reportedly responded by pointing to the first page of the book of Genesis with his middle finger.
SATURDAY FEB. 9
Cincinnati's favorite banana corporation scored a major win last week when the World Trade Organization ruled against biased European Union tariffs on imported bananas. The rules had been preferential to African and Caribbean banana-selling countries because the British and French felt bad for conquering them in the past, but Latin American countries say the tariffs hurt banana growers there. Chiquita Brands International Inc., which grows bananas in South America and totally treats its workers fairly, has reportedly lost $1 per share annually due to the tariffs, which prompted a series of e-mails to the WTO with "Oh, Hell Naw" in the subject line.
SUNDAY FEB. 10
For its monthly slice-of-suburban-life feature story, The Kentucky Enquirer delved into the artificially-heated world of fake tanning today, running a gripping story about teenagers lying in heated tubes that make their skin look like they've been out in the sun a lot. The central conflict is a recently-imposed $20 annual fee that tanning places must pay to cover the administrative costs posting rules that say kids 14-18 need parental permission to make their skin look orange. The owner of a local salon defended the teenagers' awkward skin tone by describing places in Florida that persecute people who don't glow in the dark.
MONDAY FEB. 11
The New York Times visited our humble river town this month to cover a dispute between Ohio and Kentucky over an eight-ton rock that used to sit in the Ohio River. The rock, which is adorned with initials and drawings etched into it when the river was low, is currently in the municipal garage in Portsmouth, Ohio. But last month the Kentucky House of Representatives passed a resolution called "You Named Our River Now Give Us Our Rock," demanding that the stone be returned to Kentucky or the state will steal it back. The Ohio House is apparently considering a resolution of its own to be titled "F-You Kentucky," and the speaker seriously said he will guard the rock with a muzzle-loading shotgun if he has to.
TUESDAY FEB. 12
City leaders are considering a plan to help fund public art in Cincinnati based on a percentage of money used to build new stuff that's not art, according to The Enquirer. Many cities -- nice ones, too, like San Diego and Portland, Ore. -- require that 2 percent of funds for capital improvement projects go toward creating and maintaining public art. City Manager Milton Dohoney thinks more art would be nice, and Mayor Mark Mallory says that Philadelphia's public art "just makes you feel good when you go there." The next step will be to establish a working group to define what is and isn't art, a difficult process due to art's often weird nature.
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