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What Kind of Question Is That?

By Kathy Y. Wilson · October 23rd, 2013 · Kathy Y. Wilson
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Do corner boys go home and use hand sanitizer after they’ve passed drugs hand-to-hand all day and night? Do you think they’re thinking at all about germs?

What do you think the federal government will look and run like once we voters send a message by not re-electing every single person responsible for shutting down the government? Is there a person alive who can go to Washington and properly run this country?

Could you?

How exactly does that Affordable Care Act work? Is the Canadian company our government paid tens of millions of dollars to set up HealthCare.gov trying to sabotage our attempts at national health care coverage?

Do you subscribe to conspiracy theories?

Doesn’t it seem like Republicans have blatantly and unabashedly tried to turn the president’s name into a slur?

Is it racist when they do that?

Speaking of turning someone’s name into a slur, are you sick to death yet of everything Miley Cyrus? 

(What if black strippers arose in revolt to reclaim twerking from white girls everywhere and brought twerking back home to black asses from whence it came?)

Was she ever talented to begin with?

How has she wrangled so much mileage from so much mediocrity?

Is she smarter than the rest of us?

Aren’t you excited for the day when she falls off and VH1 airs her Behind the Music special? Behind, get it?

What hell hath Walt Disney wrought upon the world?

Are you old enough to remember when all the Disney animated characters with black voices and characteristics were depicted as apes, monkeys and baboons?

Have you ever seen Jungle Book?

Did you know Song of the South has been systematically removed from the face of the Earth? Even on VHS tapes?

Do you use Google for good?

Can you and your family do anything or go anywhere without your smartphones? Were you smart before you bought your smartphone?

When was the last time you took or sent your kids to the library?

Do you think Melvil Dewey had an obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Do you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Do sloppy people erroneously label others with OCD because they are trying to reconcile how messy and disorganized they are?

And isn’t it time to stop being bullied into the excessive usage of the word “bully?” 

Don’t we need to universally agree on a clearer, more concise public definition and a more careful utilization of that word? Can every single thing be classified as bullying? 

Really? 

Doesn’t the over-use make our kids more vulnerable than they should be? Hasn’t the media helped to turn the word into a modern-day epidemic?

Do you look forward to your job every day?

Do you do for a living something you would do for free, anyway?

I do, don’t you?

Isn’t Ohio Against the World more than a brilliant T-shirt slogan? Isn’t America sleeping on the Midwest? Hasn’t it always?

Have your heroes disappointed you? Have you found new replacements or have you just given up believing in the inherent goodness of mankind?

Do you believe in yourself at all?

Is it in you?

With all the strong-arm robberies, muggings and armed stick-ups, isn’t Clifton a gussied-up ghetto? If those same crimes were happening at the same rates in, say, Evanston or Price Hill, would it be worse because of the class status of those neighborhoods?

Would you feel any differently about it? 

Would you be surprised? 

Unfazed?

Aren’t Charles Walker and Joseph Jenkins, the two escaped and now recaptured convicted Florida murderers, brilliant for non-violently forging their way out of prison? Shouldn’t the entire Florida criminal justice network be embarrassed?

While we’re on the subject of embarrassment, isn’t the Enquirer anorexic? I know paper prices are up and American newspapers are all but obsolete, but should they still be charging for that thing?

Shouldn’t it be free?

At least three times a week?

Hasn’t regular network television turned into near-pornographic crap? Are the networks trying to keep pace with cable? Isn’t that impossible?

Are you paying any attention to the orgiastic commodification of Kerry Washington? Why is it people of color in America are only granted one representative at any given time in any random genre? Who is on the committee that chooses who gets shoved down our throats?

Do you believe in the Illuminati?

Do you think Bill Clinton ever did it with a black woman?

If you’re a black woman would you ever have sex with Bill Clinton?

Is it Hillary Clinton’s turn to be president of the United States?

Did you notice how Hillary used her maiden name when she needed to distance herself from Bill but then she picked up her married name again when she needed political validity and entree?

What would a feminist do? 

Were you offended when Bill Clinton, donning black Wayfarers and honking on a saxophone on the old Arsenio Hall Show, was deemed our “first black president?” 

Does that make Barack Obama our second?

(By the way, why is Arsenio Hall even back on late night? Doesn’t he have one friend who could sit him down and tell him he is not funny? Isn’t the spectacle of an unfunny comedian the most painful sight ever?)

Does Obama care?

Will Obamacare work? Did the Republicans’ coining the Affordable Care Act “Obamacare” work to turn you against it before it ever became a train wreck of a reality?

I may never again have health care in my lifetime, will you? Do you, like me, ignore your chronic illnesses?

Should Dusty Baker have been fired like he was? Do you think he saw that knuckleball coming?

Do you miss Marge Schott at all?

I’ve been fired, have you? I came home and went to bed.

How did you rebound and recuperate?

Isn’t it ironic that the seemingly hard-hearted Dick Cheney secretly suffered heart disease all these years? Didn’t you assume his heart was impenetrable?

I’m through. Are you?



CONTACT KATHY Y. WILSON: letters@citybeat.com



 
 
 
 

 

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