HOT: Lemmy’s Not Dead
The Keith Richards of Hard Rock, Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead, was recently declared dead … by Twitter. It’s nothing new for Lemmy, who dies quite a bit (the singer/bassist told an interviewer in 2010 that a French magazine once published his obituary). This time, at least something happened to spawn the rumor. On Aug. 2, Motörhead played its first show since Lemmy was hospitalized with hematoma, but the show was cut short because he reportedly was feeling weak. Motörhead guitarist Phil Campbell cleared things up, blaming the death bell being rung on “asshole tweeters.” It’s simple: before writing “R.I.P.” messages for Lemmy, request a death certificate. Because it’s looking more and more like he’ll outlive us all.
WARM: 99 Problems Plus One
TMZ’s coverage of the music world’s dirty laundry apparently extends beyond Justin Bieberto make the gossip site after filing suit against his wife for physical abuse and stealing $18,000. Then, Jack White’s ex-wife filed a restraining order against him, resulting in the release of embarrassing emails in which White trashes The Black Keys’ Dan Auerbach, suggesting Auerbach is just a Jack White rip-off. As if on cue, news surfaced a few days later that Auerbach’s divorce was also quite messy (he alleged his ex is an unfit parent who once attempted suicide in front of their child). It should be noted that White is also a bit of a rip-off artist — he stole all of his best divorce moves from Blind Willie McTell.
COLD: Sabbath Inc.: No Fat Dudes
Black Sabbath drummer Bill Ward’s absence from the band’s recent reunion efforts (which resulted in the group’s first No. 1 album, 13) originally appeared to be over a failure to come to terms on business details. But Ozzy Osbourne’s recent comments suggest it was more because Ward lacked the awesome physique of Osbourne and his bandmates. Osbourne told The New York Daily News that he didn’t think Ward could cut it: “He’s incredibly overweight. A drummer has to be in shape.” Meanwhile, it was announced that Sabbath would dent its legacy even further and become the source of an amusement park attraction. Songs and lyrics from the band inspired Universal Studios Hollywood’s forthcoming Halloween Horror Nights’ “13 3D” maze. Just like the dreamed it up in Manchester 40 years ago.