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Worst Week Ever!: April 17-23

By isaac Thorn · April 24th, 2013 · Worst Week Ever!
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WEDNESDAY APRIL 17

The Vermont House of Representatives last week approved a bill that will reduce the penalty for possessing up to an ounce of marijuana, putting the offense on the same level as a speeding violation. The bill passed by a 2-to-1 margin, which shouldn’t come as much of surprise in the state that Phish is from. Lawmakers reportedly took their state’s musical legacy into account when voting on this important issue, noting that jam band music sounds absolutely terrible without a bunch of pot. 

THURSDAY APRIL 18

San Francisco’s city attorney recently opened an investigation into reports that a mental hospital in Nevada has been illegally bussing discharged psychiatric patients to California and other states. The Rawson Neal Psychiatric Hospital in Las Vegas allegedly sent around 1,500 patients out of state with one-way Greyhound bus tickets without making provisions for their food, medication, housing or medical needs. A class action lawsuit involving other states might be in the works. In the meantime, California has pleaded with Nevada to stop borrowing ideas from South Park when attempting to deal with those they deem undesirable within their borders.

FRIDAY APRIL 19

Often, after browsing the Internet, we would like to know less about what other people are doing. This isn’t the case with many corporations, which have an insatiable thirst to access all the stupid things you do on time-wasting social sites. A late amendment to the Cyber Information Sharing and Protection Act was defeated in the House of Representatives, meaning employers will still be allowed to ask for employees’ social media passwords.

The vote was split along party lines, 224-188, with Republicans taking the credit for defeating it. Although it’s hard to imagine working for a company that would want to be all up in your business to such a degree, employees across America now have reason to look forward to creating dummy accounts for all social media sites and attaching passwords with “69” “hottie” and/or “butt” to them.

SATURDAY APRIL 20

Nick Lachey’s newborn son helped him guide the content for his new album, A Father’s Lullaby. The singer told The Enquirer, “I’d bring the demos home and play them and he definitely responded better to some than he did to others.” The album likely also encourages the physical development of babies, who will figure out more quickly how to turn the volume down or press eject or pause buttons on music players than babies who don’t get to hear it.

SUNDAY APRIL 21

An off-duty cop in Forsyth County, Ga., is in a world of trouble and will lose his police certification after a recent drive-thru incident. While waiting in line at a local McDonald’s, the officer pulled a gun on the customer in front of him and tried to charge him with a felony count of Taking Too Long. While there seems to be no way for the accused to continue a career in law enforcement, the police officer’s lawyers hope to get the charges pending against their client reduced since “everyone has thought about doing that while stuck in line at a drive-thru at some point in their lives.”

MONDAY APRIL 22

Getting paid to complain about things would be one of the best jobs ever. Take George Hobica’s well-structured whining in this morning’s USA Today, for example. The author and awesome nicknamer’s article “Fly Guy: 9 new rules all passengers should obey” details how people on planes should stop doing a bunch of stuff that pisses him off or grosses him out or both. One of the nine new rules Hobica proposes is: “If you’re sitting in seat 34B, and I’m in 12A, you don’t get to put your carry-on in my overhead-bin space on your way to the back. If you do, I get to go through it and find your personal sex toys or whatever else you’ve got stashed in there.” There is no data to suggest that people who store their carry-ons in bins far away from their seats are known sex-toy smugglers, but USA Today does admit that the author “has a highly developed fantasy involving this exact scenario.”

TUESDAY APRIL 23

Kroger Co. is experimenting with a new program called “Scan, Bag, Go,” which enables customers to scan and bag items as they shop around the store. Officials haven’t disclosed much else about the futuristic shopping tool, but the pilot program’s expansion over the last few months suggests that it could become a widespread and popular shopping option. The grocery chain has yet to confirm if “Scan, Bag, Go” will include a function that will alert shoppers when they pick up something they should eschew in favor of the Kroger brand because they are poor.



CONTACT ISAAC THORN: letters@citybeat.com



 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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