WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
Home · Articles · Columns · Worst Week Ever! · Worst Week Ever!: Jan. 16-22

Worst Week Ever!: Jan. 16-22

By isaac Thorn · January 23rd, 2013 · Worst Week Ever!
wweMorgan Freeman?
WEDNESDAY JAN. 16

Newport on the Levee has added a new wrinkle to the movie-watching experience. The seldom-used arcade has been replaced by MacGuffins Bar & Lounge, which is now open and serving drinks that can be brought into the movie. AMC Theatre management notes that “MacGuffin” is a term and technique which was popularized by legendary director Alfred Hitchcock, but admitted that people who already knew that will need more than strong drinks to make it through some of the “longer and more pointless remakes of ’80s and ’90s movies Hollywood has been churning out for the past decade.”

THURSDAY JAN. 17

People who have never read 1984 and people who have are both likely to reference the book when an issue like a person losing his or her job for refusing to get a shot comes up. An example of this tricky ethical issue has again risen locally, in the case of a Cincinnati woman who was terminated from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital in December 2010 after refusing to get a flu shot. Hospitals often require their employees to do so because of their close contact with others and potential to spread illness. The woman cited her veganism as the reason she won’t get the shot, because of the presence of egg protein contained in it. She believes getting the shot would violate her right to religious freedom and has filed a lawsuit against the hospital on those grounds. The hospital disagrees with the plaintiff’s assertion that veganism can be classified as a religion and views the practice as more of a “dietary regimen whose proponents always talk about it way too much for everyone else’s liking.”

FRIDAY JAN. 18

Boeing’s fleet of 787 Dreamliner planes won’t be flying the friendly skies again until it has been determined that they are indeed airworthy.

A recent emergency landing brought on by the detection of a burning smell in the cabin and concerns about the plane’s battery system precipitated a worldwide grounding of the airliner. Engineers for Boeing are scrambling to fix the problems associated with the Dreamliner, which recently debuted more than three years behind schedule. The airline also notes that it wouldn’t have to reconsider the plane’s name if more people spent their happiest moments sleeping instead of imagining white knuckling through a fire, smoke and panic filled landing.

SATURDAY JAN. 19 

A corrupt Virginia politician has found out the hard way that spousal privilege does not extend to work email accounts. Evidence of his nefarious dealings, which was gleaned from emails the politician sent to his wife, was used to convict him, and his protests that the evidence was inadmissible because our founding doctrines guarantee that man and wife can scheme without fear of governmental interference were denied. In the future, it is recommended that husbands and wives stick to using the money bag, knife and gun emoticons on their iPhones when alluding to criminal enterprises they are conducting.

SUNDAY JAN. 20  

According to a Canadian botanist, the nation’s new $20, $50 and $100 plastic banknotes feature a maple leaf found in Norway, not North America. In an interview with Reuters, Sean Blaney states: “The maple leaf is the wrong species.” The Bank of Canada has admitted the botanist’s assertion is on point, but is on the fence about what to do about it. While it is slightly embarrassing to have featured things not found in the country on its currency, fixing it would cost a decent amount of money and further delay allocation of funds to a program that would help Americans understand why their friends to the north have the Queen of England on their money.

MONDAY JAN. 21

ABC News’s George Stephanopoulos made people everywhere cringe during today’s presidential inauguration by mistaking 6-foot-9 basketball legend Bill Russell for 6-foot-2 actor Morgan Freeman. The anchor was apparently confused as to why the very tall guy he thought was Morgan Freeman was wearing a Boston Celtics hat. Stephanopoulos later tweeted that he wasn’t sure if it was “because he won 11 championships while playing for them or if he was just making some sort of fashion statement like the guys in those Spike Lee movies.”

TUESDAY JAN. 22   

CEO and co-founder of Whole Foods John Mackey has never been one to turn down the opportunity to say something stupid just because he is rich and has the chance to do so. After a well-documented and poorly received rant about Obamacare, the CEO has somehow outdone himself by telling Mother Jones that “climate change is perfectly natural and not necessarily bad,” and that “most of humanity tends to flourish more when global temperatures are in a warming trend.” Mackey went on to reason that unlike the formation of unions in the workplace, global warming does not present a clear and present danger to humanity.



CONTACT ISAAC THORN: letters@citybeat.com



 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
Close
Close
Close