Kernen hopes that “Rise Above” will help us avoid that happening. If it does, he will be able to use his platform on CNBC to educate America on the startling similarities between the weird Masonic architectural layout of Pierre L’Enfant’s design of Washington D.C. and that of the section of Western Hills where Cancun Mexican, Western Bowl and General Custer’s Golf and Gulp are located next to each other.
FRIDAY NOV. 16
New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow will be the guest speaker at Audible Compassion on April 19 at U.S. Bank Arena. It is easy to make fun of a person who tries to spread the gospel through football, because most people either sleep in on Sundays then watch the NFL all day or get up early and go to church — can’t do both. However, Tebow is a nice guy who does really nice things for a lot of people, especially children. It’s still weird that he went and helped circumcise children in the Philippines despite having no medical training, but whatevz. The concert event will feature music, Tebow’s speech and a question and answer session afterwards. Bengals Hall of Famer Anthony Munoz will emcee the event and do his very best to provide an entertaining forum for all attendees to take part in. Munoz has been asked to avoid making reference to one of his planned talking points, which was that even though he last suited up in the NFL in 1992, Munoz and Tebow have been on the field for about the same amount of time this season.
SATURDAY NOV. 17
The Enquirer reported today that the set up for Sunday’s Straight Street Hill Climb was nearly complete. The race up the gnarly 14 percent incline of the third of a mile span of Clifton’s steepest street was scheduled to be open to bicyclists and runners and had been described as grueling and painful. One participant stated that, “It’s sheer pain near the end. ... You see the end and you don’t know if you’re going to make it there.” In an effort to drum up publicity for next year’s hill climb, organizers have suggested making it even more dangerous by starting the event at sundown, giving each participant an iPhone and a backpack with a laptop in it and having them to try to make it safely to campus from the bottom of Straight Street.
SUNDAY NOV. 18
Hamilton native and convicted serial killer Glen Rogers helped kill Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, according to My Brother The Serial Killer, a TV documentary set to premiere on the Investigation Discovery channel. At some point during this two-hour long program, a connection will be made between Rogers living in Los Angeles when the double homicide occurred in 1994 and the now-obvious fact that O.J. Simpson had nothing to do the crime and tried to flee the country to avoid prosecution for it for other reasons.
MONDAY NOV. 19
Justin Bieber won artist of the year at the AMA awards last night, leading readers of things everywhere to become less jaded by all the publications that run “Signs of the Apocalypse” blurbs within them.
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