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Worst Week Ever!: Sept. 26-Oct. 2

By isaac Thorn · October 3rd, 2012 · Worst Week Ever!
icebergVenice Beach circa 1907
WEDNESDAY SEPT. 26

College students are almost always poor. Locally, Dave Dougherty, the former CEO of Convergys Corp., has started a nonprofit group which will offer students “$15-an-hour” jobs at Education at Work, which operates call centers for clients including Cincinnati Bell and Macy’s. Students will be paid $9 per hour, plus help with tuition which will depend on their grade point average but could be as much as $6,000 per year. In addition to the $9 per hour that employees will make, they will also learn a valuable life lesson about how people are always going to tell you they’ll pay you good money and then offer you a call center job for $9 per hour.

THURSDAY SEPT. 27

Lots of people shopped at the Clifton IGA for a long time. A gallon of milk cost like $7 there, and the store’s interior was very old-timey. However, the store had an awesome beer selection and was a very convenient place to shop for people who live in the walkable neighborhood. Since the store closed more than a year ago, there have been many stories about how it was going to reopen. Steve Goessling is trying to make that happen, but today revealed that the City of Cincinnati has not yet contributed $550,000 to the nearly $4 million renovation. City spokeswoman Meg Olberding said, “We simply need a bit more information from him and we’ll be set to go.” Olberding added that she believes the Clifton IGA will be open for business again in time for Pete Rose’s Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

FRIDAY SEPT. 28

All most people know about Arctic expeditions from yesteryear is that they were cold and everyone had to eat mad pemmican. All in all, Arctic expeditions sounded pretty stupid until an NPR blog published today detailed the contents of the first aid kit brought along by British explorer Ernest Shackleton and his men on their Nimrod expedition in 1907.

Shackleton and his men fell 97 miles short of reaching the South Pole, but they had a good time doing it. Cocaine was reportedly “dripped in the eye to cure snowblindness. Colic was treated with “tincture of cannabis” mixed with “tincture of chilli pepper.” Shackleton’s men also had pills called “Forced March,” a mix of cocaine and caffeine taken hourly. The article was thought provoking and inspired many readers to want to become explorers for the first time since they were in grade school.

SATURDAY SEPT. 29

The MidPoint Music Festival was in full swing tonight, with shows being played all over downtown’s newly renovated Over-the-Rhine area. The Enquirer, seemingly out of leads on poor people stealing from their employers, dug into the only drama it could find: some old guy mad that drunk concert-goers peed on his neighbor’s fence. Cincinnati City Council members are planning a meeting to address and console concerned folks who are new to OTR and believe that before bunch of expensive properties were built there people never used to pee in places they weren’t supposed to.

SUNDAY SEPT. 30

Researchers from Kentucky State University are going to do their best over the next three years to turn Winchester, Ky.’s old wastewater treatment plant into a working aquaculture farm that will raise striped bass, paddlefish and catfish. The farm could potentially generate $250,000 a year in sales and create jobs. This would also mean that the city of Winchester would no longer have to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to demolish the facility. It is believed that the success of the fish farm is largely dependent on what percentage of customers know that the fish they’re thinking of buying and eating were raised in the cool waters of a former wastewater treatment plant.

MONDAY OCT. 1

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger today told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos that his affair with a housekeeper he fathered a child with and hid from his wife like it was True Lies: Part Two is the worst thing he’s ever done. The Governator believes cheating on his wife was the worst “because it has affected so many people.” This makes perfect sense, because way more people are affected by his marital indiscretion than his opposition to gay marriage and immigration, which were the only things people remember about his tenure as California’s governor.

TUESDAY OCT. 2

For the third time this week, seats came loose on an American Airlines flight. An emergency landing was not necessary, as was the case the other two times. The Federal Aviation Administration will inspect the airlines’ planes in the next few months to makes sure all the seats are securely fastened but still plans to ignore every flier’s dream, which involves being able to unscrew your seat and move somewhere else on the plane when you get stuck sitting next to someone who won’t stop talking about their kids, Jesus and whatever stupid town they’re from for the entire flight.



CONTACT ISAAC THORN: letters@citybeat.com



 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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