On that quiz, we included questions from the relatively obscure (“Name the local guitarist/actor who had a bit part in the Jodie Foster movie Little Man Tate.” Answer: Sam Womelsdorf of Throneberry/Culture Queer fame) to the fairly easy (“Vince Gill was once guitarist for this nationally successful Country/Rock band that found its biggest success after relocating to Cincinnati in the ’70s?” Answer: Pure Prairie League) to the downright impossible-except-for-obsessives (“Name the two-piece Punk/Metal band that released a ‘beer-colored’ vinyl single on the label run by Bay Area concert-poster-art legend Frank Kozik?” Answer: Croatan).
The response to the issue was very positive, though the question I was asked most was, “Do you know the answers to all those questions?” The answer? Yes. Pretty much. Mostly. I mean, I did write them all.
Truth is, if I had taken the quiz without being able to fact check/cheat, I would have probably scored somewhere around 84 percent. Which still puts me in the “You’re obsessed” category.
Think you can do better (without cheating)? Give it a go, hot shot
+ If you get 1-30 questions correct: You read CityBeat very occasionally, mostly while taking a dump at the Taco Bell in Clifton Heights (but only if there’s one on the floor nearby). You think an Afghan Whig is street slang for “burka.” When you hear someone say they’re going to see The Raisins reunion concert, you think they’re derogatorily referencing The Rolling Stones. And you know the Southgate House as that abandoned haunted house you always see on your way to Newport on the Levee to catch the latest Tyler Perry movie.
+ 31-60 questions correct: You know James Brown recorded for locally based King Records, but you think Tiny Bradshaw is what Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw calls his penis. You’ve attended the MidPoint Music Festival for the past three years, but you think Bad Veins is a laser surgery center for varicose vein removal. You’ve seen the Pomegranates a few times, but are confused why people talk about how great the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) is in concert (when really they’re saying “Seedy Seeds”).
+ 61-80 questions correct: You have a great grasp on the local music scene. You saw The Ramones at the Jockey Club, caught every Royal Crescent Mob show at Bogart’s, used to play Bluegrass open jams at Aunt Maudie’s and Pure Prairie League practiced in your basement. You can name at least 30 of the 562 former members of 500 Miles to Memphis. You go to the Cincinnati Entertainment Awards every year and actually pay attention to the entire show.
+ 81-100 questions correct: You’re obsessed. You think the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame should have a wing dedicated to Cincinnati’s contributions to music history. You can’t figure out why Cincinnati hasn’t taken Cleveland’s lead and tried to rebrand “Cincinnati USA” as “Music Town USA.” If you ran this town, City Council would consist of Bootsy Collins, Mike Montgomery, Ma Crow, Sonny Moorman, Craig Fox, Hi-Tek, Chuck Cleaver, Dana Hamblen and Dallas Moore. The Sundresses’ Mackenzie Place would be the mayor, Fountain Square would be renamed Chris Walker Plaza and The Dopamines would be City Hall’s house band.