What should I be doing instead of this?
Home · Articles · Columns · Worst Week Ever! · Nov. 9-15: Worst Week Ever!

Nov. 9-15: Worst Week Ever!

By Danny Cross · November 16th, 2011 · Worst Week Ever!
wwe 11-16Smash it!


Cincinnatians on Tuesday voted for a new collection of City Councilpersons, and today locals woke up to good news and bad news. (You want the good first, right?) The city elected a majority of Democrats, an African-American majority and its first-ever openly gay candidate. The bad? Most of the names on East Side yard signs lost, meaning Republicans wasted a lot of money they could have used to pay higher property taxes for the stadium deal they approved. Four members of the conservative majority that spent most of last year either blocking the mayor’s initiatives or Twittering — Chris Bortz, Leslie Ghiz, Amy Murray and Wayne Lippert — were ousted, paving the way for Mayor Mallory and the seven Democrats on council to do things they want to do as long as Chris Smitherman doesn’t fulfill his goal of representing every political party every created (the Whigs get in the way of everything). 


It wasn’t very long ago that University of Cincinnati students started a mostly justified riot in Clifton Heights — it was Cinco de Mayo and a frat boy locked his keys inside his car while it was running (“Smash it! Fuck the police!”). Penn State University students today took to the streets in defense of something even more ridiculous: their school’s football coach getting fired. The firing of legendary coach Joe Paterno came just weeks after he earned his record-breaking 409th win and nine years after his assistant coach was allegedly seen raping a boy in a locker-room shower. Demonstrators tore down two lampposts and overturned a news van, which an 18-year-old student described as “the best moment of my life — [expletive] Ohio State!”


If you were to listen to the pro-SB 5 commercials during election season (provided you could figure out which ones were real and which were just content stolen from anti-SB 5 groups), it would have been normal to feel concern for the budgetary fallout of the law being overturned.

The Enquirer today checked in with several local governments to see how they feel now that their union employees can continue collectively bargaining like they have for 80 years, and the general consensus was, “No big deal, really.” What they are actually concerned about is the potential loss of revenue if state Republicans pass other pro-rich-people plans — repealing the estate tax and reducing the state-provided Local Government Fund — without finding a new collection of scapegoats to underpay. 


It’s never fun to go in front of a judge — you have to find all your nice clothes and then try really hard not to say “sir” when you mean “ma’am” or vice versa (it’s hard when you’re nervous!). At least one local judge is going to make the process quite a bit easier for Occupy Cincinnati protesters defending their right to be in a public park after bedtime, as he says there’s nothing in the city charter that makes breaking park rules a misdemeanor offense. City Solicitor John Curp disagreed, noting that the Park Board has been citing people for unseemly things in local parks since back when Jerry Springer was around. 


It’s one thing to generalize people angry enough about corporate greed and influence over government to live inside tents for weeks — it can be difficult to shower under the circumstances and some admittedly enjoy playing hippie drums. But you have to admit that something’s up with the distribution of wealth and power in America when 60 Minutes finds it quite easy to point out Congressional abuses of power such as insider trading. An investigation that aired today discovered a process where Congressional leaders receive non-public information one day and then make smart investments the next, with such names as John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi and Dennis Hastert having “scored financial windfalls under questionable circumstances” and “wore fur coats and golfed more than the people who The Great Gatsby was trying to be like.”


If recent TV shows about rich, powerful American men are any indication, most during the course of history have been huge bastards who treat women like crap and think swimming in the ocean is the ultimate expression of freedom (Hey Don Draper, ever hearda yoga?!?). Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain today pulled a classic move, telling reporters in response to numerous accusations of sexual harassment: “Ask my wife, she’ll tell ya I’m nice!” Gloria Cain today backed Herman up, explaining in a to-be-aired-on-TV interview that he “totally respects women,” that he’d have to have a split personality to do those things and that the only time he ever demonstrated such a tendency was when someone tried to change the name of the Whopper and he started wearing an Incredible Hulk mask to work until they let it go. 


New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg today defended his removal of Occupy Wall Street protesters while describing his city as a place open to freedom of expression for business-friendly periods of time in non-annoying areas. Protesters received a temporary restraining order barring the city from evicting the protesters or their belongings, though Bloomberg believes the law allowing Zuccotti park to be open for enjoyment 24/7 has not been complied with because protestors have admitted to being very angry and the park is for fun.

CONTACT DANNNY CROSS: dcross@citybeat.com



comments powered by Disqus