WEDNESDAY SEPT. 7
It’s good to know that Ohio’s governor has the time to break away from his busy schedule of selling Ohio’s stuff to private companies making Ohio more business friendly to right an institutional wrong perpetrated by the laws of this state. The governor today reduced the charges against a woman convicted of falsifying documents in order to send her child to a different school, the latest in an ongoing case Kasich has used to promote the expansion of school voucher programs. The single mother, who was concerned about safety at the public school that her children were supposed to attend, went so far as to change the address on her driver’s license and bank and employment documents. Kasich said the punishment didn’t fit the crime and that public high school football teams only suck because the athletes don’t work hard enough.
THURSDAY SEPT. 8
If someone says the words “powerful insurance company,” it’s likely that he or she is describing one of two scenarios: the first involving a friend or relative who works for one and has lots of really nice stuff, the second likely having something to do with not being able to afford that type of insurance. Either way, today’s news that a judge has allowed a lawsuit by Western & Southern Financial Group against a local battered women’s shelter to continue comes as no surprise, as the company attempts to block a proposed expansion in the neighborhood it is trying to develop for people who would prefer to live next to women who have not been battered. W&S says it’s just trying to ensure that zoning laws are strictly enforced in case anyone tries to open a Wendy’s near the condos once the inn is closed.
FRIDAY SEPT. 8
We at WWE! wouldn’t know what it’s like to be a firefighter — scared of heat, untrained in CPR, never helped anybody ever
SATURDAY SEPT. 9
Most people know what it’s like to have a stranger ask you to spare 49 cents for something to eat (and then feel embarrassed about knowing that the nearest Taco Bell is not close enough for this person to get anything even resembling food for 49 cents). The AP today reported that for every person who plans to use your charity to feed an addiction that Republicans won’t allow taxpayer funding to help treat, there are many other people who simply don’t have enough money for food they’re actually going to eat. A new survey titled “Food Insecurity Among Older Adults” has found that 15.6 million people in the U.S. don’t have enough food, with Baby Boomers at the highest risk. The shortage is due to lack of jobs, older adults lacking information about programs and the fact that benefits are set to decrease in 2013 and many old people have decided just to eat expensive food while they still can.
SUNDAY SEPT. 11
The 10-year anniversary of 9/11 was a somber day for most Americans, filled with tributes to people who died in the attacks and remembrances for others who died in the wars that followed it. Such an event didn’t stop The Enquirer from offering one of the most prominent spaces on its website to a report on a petty dispute between owners of expensive property in Newport. The story, titled “Solar panels cause flap,” described a rich lady named Becky Bush, looking out her window, teary eyed because a neighbor’s attempt to reduce his energy consumption by using solar panels is impeding her view of Vine Street in Newport. The report is part of Enquirer management’s ongoing dedication to new media and stories about things pissing off people they know.
MONDAY SEPT. 12
Let’s say you’re an anti-streetcar conservative who enjoys mocking your political enemies by calling their projects trollies and rewriting the words to songs by Mr. Rogers (for the sake of this analogy, we’ll pretend that’s not weird). If you’re this person, would you use the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 to pile on your local political enemies? If so, then you’d be a lot like COAST treasurer Mark Miller, who spent the better part of today apologizing for comparing the deaths of New York City firefighters to the tragedy of local funding being used for the streetcar. Vice Mayor Roxanne Qualls noted that funding sources for firefighters and the streetcar are separate, a situation that Miller said was worse than the federal government spending its body armor money on women’s health clinics.
TUESDAY SEPT. 13
Forced to redraw Ohio’s congressional district map due to slow population growth because Ohio sucks and does things like giving away high-speed rail funding, state Republicans today offered a new version with heavily Republican parts of the state added to competitive districts and a big note at the top that says “The GOP rulz da school!”
TWEET AT THE MOPE WHO WROTE THIS ARTICLE: @_dannycross_