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White Divorce, Satan's Wing Man and Birdman

By Staff · June 15th, 2011 · Minimum Gauge

[HOT]

Beat the Press

Jack White of The White Stripes/Raconteurs/Dead Weather/Third Man Records fame has often lashed out at the press for things written about him or his musical projects, but the man uses media outlets to milk publicity almost as well as he plays guitar, suggesting a career as a high-powered celebrity publicist awaits if this Rock & Roll thing doesn’t work out. Heading off surely salacious tabloid reports about his impending divorce from wife Karen Elson, to announce their split, White’s publicist sent out a copy of an invite to White and Elson’s sixth anniversary/divorce party. The move clearly implies an amicable break up, though this is also the man whose career is partially based on his unwavering assertion that White Stripes’ drummer Meg White is his baby sister, not his other ex-wife. So, for all we know, Elson is just a gorgeous, redheaded hologram White concocted in his basement, Weird Science-style.

[WARM]

Satan Gets a Wing Man

Seth Putnam, frontman and founder of easy-listening faves Anal Cunt, died of a heart attack June 11.

Oh, wait — Anal Cunt was actually a controversial Grindcore band named after a GG Allin tune, responsible for seconds-long songs like “Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck” and “Van Full of Retards.” Putman’s passing was relayed to the public by AC’s occasional PR person, who pleaded with “the internet” to be kind because Putman (who also worked on a wide variety of other musical projects) was “a human being with friends and family that loved him.” We have great sympathy for Putman’s loved ones and some level of appreciation for the over-the-top humor of the band, but pleading for gentleness over the passing of the man behind the album I Like It When You Die — featuring the classic, “You Went To See Dishwalla and Everclear (You’re Gay)” — is like Weird Al’s family requesting he be buried at Pere Lachaise Cemetery between Jim Morrison and Oscar Wilde. Live by the Anal Cunt, die by the Anal Cunt.

[COLD]

Birdman’s Big Bet

The NBA Finals cost LeBron James his chance at a championship trophy (until next year … and the year after, and probably many years after that). And it cost Ohio’s already overreaching governor John Kasich a little more of that final shred of dignity he’s holding onto when he took time out of his busy schedule (destroying Ohio’s middle class and education system, busting unions, trying to privatize everything, etc.) to officially honor the Dallas Mavericks for being everything that traitor LeBron isn’t. But those great Ohioans didn’t lose nearly as much as New Orleans-born rapper Birdman, who claimed he had $2 million riding on the Miami Heat to win it all. Dude wasn’t too ate up about it, though — according to a report from Miami New Times, after the final game, he headed out with Lil Wayne to party with the Mavs. Kasich no doubt approves — and maybe he’s found a buyer for one of Ohio’s fine, toll-ready interstates?

 
 
 
 

 

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