WEDNESDAY JAN. 19
Far be it for a newspaper that recently published a cover story on a rapper to criticize a competitor for covering the genre — even a white dude from Hamilton deserves his props for earning a spot on a BET reality show. But a comparison of the prose offered last week by CityBeat’s writer, Ill Poetic (who you wouldn’t know is white if you read his article), and today’s Enquirer reporter (whose use of “honing his freestyle skills through practice and performance” pretty much gave away her race) offered extremely different perspectives on the scene. The Enquirer’s rapper, Blayze, will appear on the Jan. 28 segment of BET’s 106 & Park, after which the newspaper is expected to improperly translate his freestyle lyrics using urbandictionary.com.
THURSDAY JAN. 20
Sports teams are named after some extremely fierce entities: scary animals, human outlaws and the occasional natural disaster each strike fear into the hearts of their opponents in different ways. That’s one reason why Miami University in 1996 abandoned its “Redskin” mascot for a “Redhawk.” The other reason is that the Redskin mascot is super racist, which is also why the school today stopped using the drawing of an Indian on its merchandise. University officials said the original decision to change the head on its football helmet from a human to a bird was out of respect for the Miami Tribe of Oklahoma but that removing the head from merchandise was mostly due to continued association with the Washington Redskins football team which sucks really bad.
FRIDAY JAN. 21
Longtime tennis great and 1990’s camera-seller Andre Agassi once said, “Image is everything,” but it’s difficult to trust his judgment due to the fact that his cool hair was a wig and sometimes he smoked crystal meth
SATURDAY JAN. 22
During a day and age when multi-million-dollar companies only seem to have their own interests at heart, it’s important to recognize when one involves itself in an issue for the betterment of society’s most vulnerable members. Such was the case today when Western & Southern Financial Group advised City Council not to award federal housing money to local women’s shelter Anna Louise Inn due to the fact that
W&S wants to make mass money off its building the life insurance company heard that the shelter’s renovated facility will house recovering prostitutes and homeless families in the same location. Western & Southern said such a practice is detrimental to both groups, in addition to being extremely concerning to the rich people who want to know what urban life is like without all the poverty and despair.
SUNDAY JAN. 23
There’s no way to know for sure why Cincinnati continues to be America’s No. 1 market for reality TV shows (insert burn on people who live in West Chester here). But if you want to hear a hilariously off-based guess, look no further than Mindy Hall of Villa Hills, Ky., who today told The Enquirer, “it could be we see a certain amount of realness in people on the shows, and we know they’re like us.” Hall, a 36-year-old who has appeared on Bret Michaels’ VH1 Rock of Love Bus and I Love Money 4 last year, pointed out that she is aware of dozens of Northern Kentucky women who just like her are willing to do unsavory things to Bret Michaels even if they weren’t getting famous for it.
MONDAY JAN. 24
There are obvious reasons for normal people to doubt John Kasich’s motivations as Ohio’s leader for the next four years: his disdain for high-speed rail, disinterest in environmental protection and dickishness when asked a normal question by the media are all well-documented (“Turn those goddam cameras off — I’m tryin’ ta take a bath!”). But one state Senator who recently visited the Republican governor to discuss the lack of diversity among members of his cabinet came away willing to vouch for one thing: Kasich’s confidence in serving Ohio without minority representation. After speaking to Kasich for about an hour, Cleveland state senator Shirley Smith, a black Democrat, said she was disappointed with the situation and also slightly offended that Kasich insisted on taking a photo with her just to prove he has black friends.
TUESDAY JAN. 25
It’s time for another State of the Union address, and you know what that means ... It’s time to play CityBeat’s “Bipartisanship” drinking game! Whoot! Whoot! Whoot! The object of Bipartisanship: to become super wasted rather than consider longterm effects of partisan politics. Game needs: one bottle of liquor or several beers per player. Game preparation: all players will select drink and place in front of sitting area. Game play: yell “Bipartisanship!” any time both aisles stand at same time; drink. Boehner Bonus: chug drink any time John Boehner smiles or cries.
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