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Dec. 8-14: Worst Week Ever!

By Danny Cross · December 15th, 2010 · Worst Week Ever!

There are several reasons why people outside the Midwest choose not to move to places like Ohio and Wisconsin (there's actually a handful of reasonable arguments for trying to live alone in the wilderness over these two places). One such reason was on display today when sources reported that the Obama administration is taking $1.2 billion in high-speed rail money away from these states because their new Republican governors said they don't want it. The money instead will go to places like California, Illinois and New York, each of which Ohio Governor-elect John Kasich says only needs trains because they're stupid and built too many tall buildings.


It's fairly normal for someone to see graffiti and believe they've inadvertently walked into a gang-infested part of town — some 1980s stereotypes are among the most lasting. But the truth is that for every legit gangster tagging turf in the inner city there are about 20 suburban kids spray-painting things like “STRYKER” on the convenient store behind their parents' house. Such is the case these days in Blue Ash, where police are currently investigating a second incident of vandalism in two months. Blue Ash police Sgt. Stephen Schueler described the most recent graffiti as black, yellow and about 5 feet tall and then got embarrassed while describing what appeared on a second building to be a rough sketch of male genitalia.


We at WWE! haven't always been real nice to City Councilman Jeff Berding on account of his insensitive ideas for regulating homelessness and other general acts of dickishness, but today's news that Berding is considerably bigger than us or any of our friends being targeted by streetcar foes has made us feel like having his back. The Enquirer reported today that Berding has threatened legal action against a group of organizations including the Fraternal Order of Police, the local firefighters union and the NAACP, who are circulating literature calling him a flip-flopper for failing to come through on streetcar opposition he allegedly promised them while campaigning.

Berding, who says he never made the promise, has yet to reply to WWE!'s idea for him to settle the issue by fist-fighting a member of the Cincinnati police force.


Democrats' 2010 midterm election losses have brought many comparisons to those suffered by the Clinton administration in 1994 — economic challenges, angry independent voters, Republicans fighting health care for poor people — but Clinton has largely been viewed as having handled the situation well ("Fine, no health care."). President Barack Obama today channeled the wisdom of Clinton by having the former president do his pro-tax plan news conference for him. The two presidents today appeared at the impromptu press briefing, which Obama left after 10 minutes allowing Clinton to work his magic for another 20. The weirdness of the situation tickled reporters, who only briefly allowed Clinton to express his support for Obama's latest policies before moving on to thinly veiled references to Clinton getting mass babes when he lived in the White House. 


It's pretty normal for someone who drives past their town's salt supply pile to look at it and think, “I wonder how long that would last me considering how I salt everything, even fruit and vegetables.” The answer, it turns out, is, “Not very long if your town doesn't stop leaking a bunch of it into the drinking water.” The Columbus Dispatch today reported that the drinking water of several Ohio communities has been polluted by rainwater runoff, resulting in at least one town abandoning its well altogether. Residents of Camden, located in Preble County, said they don't mind the taste as much as how badly it burns their eyes in the shower.


Those of us who have recently sat down in a local airport bar only to have a married couple in matching UK Wildcat sweatshirts take turns blowing cigarette smoke all over our Diesel jacket (that shit's made in Italy, man!) know how contentious the Northern Kentucky smoking ban debate is. But for those who didn't realize people still argued about such seemingly common-sense debates, The Enquirer reported today that a growing number of Kentucky cities are passing formal oppositions to proposed regulations that would make it illegal to burn cancerous things in places where people breathe a limited air supply. Fort Mitchell is the latest Northern Kentucky city to officially oppose the proposed smoking ban, with officials citing individual liberties and the goddam big government as their main reasons.


Sometimes it's difficult to stay positive during today's challenging economic times, with high unemployment and a Republican-controlled congress making the future look as bleak as ever. Luckily there's a guy named Shawn Achor who has written a book called The Happiness Advantage about how happiness leads to success, not the other way around. Achor, who was presumably happy about the idea of actually making money off such a book prior to its publication, says it's important to realize that happiness can be achieved before one's goals are reached and says for example that he's already ecstatic about the possibility of new people reading his second book, Your Job Doesn't Suck — You Do.




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