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Beastie Boys, Clapton and Keith Richards

By Staff · December 15th, 2010 · Minimum Gauge

[HOT]

Boys Will Still Be Boys

Even though it’s generally regarded as revolutionary, The Beastie Boys have denounced a lot of their early work. Maturity and a social conscious apparently do not allow for songs about Wiffle Ball-bat rape and giant penis stage props. So it was a bit of a shock when it was reported that the Boys’ Adam Yauch is working on a short film based on the trio’s first huge hit, “(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party!).” Due to premiere at Sundance’s short film festival early next year, the project is said to star Elijah Wood and feature comedic actors Danny McBride, Seth Rogen, Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Jack Black. The tagline is reportedly “After the boys leave the party …” Hopefully, the rest of that phrase isn’t “they apologize to everyone they’ve ever offended, go vegan and dedicate themselves to freeing Tibet.” Because that’s the plot of Talladega Nights 2: Ricky Bobby’s Spiritual Reawakening.

[WARM]

God, Why Have You Forsaken Us?

If, as threatened recently, North Korea sends a few nuclear bombs over the border to South Korea and the resulting war destroys the planet, those of us with underground bunkers (ours is equipped with a Starbucks and open bar — and, no, you cannot come over) will all be left to wonder if a little goodwill gesture from the U.S. government and guitar hero Eric Clapton might have saved us all from our new Mad Max existence.

It’s been reported that one of the many fun facts found in the infamous WikiLeaks leaks was the cable that suggested the U.S. arrange a Clapton concert in North Korea in an effort to drum up “good will” between the nations. Kim Jong-Il’s second son, Kim Jong-chol, is apparently a huge fan of the musician. So the man who was once so popular he inspired a wave of “Clapton is God” graffiti (ironically, an act that would likely get a person executed in the li’l Kim's country) could end all of the scary military maneuvering in Korea by playing “Sunshine of Your Love” for the billionth time? For the greater good, U.S. officials should kidnap Clap and force him to be the permanent in-palace entertainment at Kim Jong-chol’s pad. We’ll even throw in Rod Stewart and Foghat for good measure.

[COLD]

Dead Flowers

It’s now evident that there is nothing Keith Richards could drink, snort, inhale or inject that could possibly put an end to his life. But, as a recent incident proves, the Rolling Stones legend’s habits can kill. After a tour of the New York Public Library, where he was set to speak about his new autobiography, Richards resigned to an administrator’s office for a smoke break. Four days later, a rare, fragile orchid in the office died, apparently as a result of Richards’ smoking out of an open window nearby. At least he was a gentlemanly plant killer — the administrator said, in the saucer the flower was sitting in, Richards “extinguished the cigarette in the sign of the cross and signed it, ‘Thanks, Keith Richards, 2010.’ ”


 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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