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Oct. 13-19: Worst Week Ever!

By Danny Cross · October 20th, 2010 · Worst Week Ever!
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WEDNESDAY OCT. 13
Let’s face it, sometimes it’s not so pleasant to be in downtown Cincinnati. Maybe there are too many sports fans around or it’s a Sunday and you wish there was a business open to sell you a sandwich. Getting home from downtown could soon be much easier, as Councilman Wendell Young today argued in favor of relaxing taxi regulations in the city. Young says cabs shouldn’t have to stay in designated areas and shouldn’t have to prove there’s a public need for their services in order to get licensed. Young’s originally scheduled press conference at the taxi stand at Fifth and Race was reportedly moved to his office in City Hall due to several taxis honking at him for using their only pickup spot.

THURSDAY OCT. 14
It’s funny to think about some old white dude getting angry about the long-term cultural implications of being forced to push 1 to hear a robot speak English (even funnier to imagine him yelling “HUMAN! HUMAN! HUMAN!” into his landline to avoid it). Such scenes are likely to become more frequent with today’s release of new life expectancy data suggesting that Hispanics live longer than whites. Researchers are struggling to explain the trend because mortality is usually correlated with a group’s socioeconomic status, and Hispanic income, education and health care access are all lower than those of whites. Despite these indicators, the report shows the Hispanic population making fewer doctors visits and spending less time in hospitals, which one researcher believes is a direct correlation with never actually eating at Taco Bell.

FRIDAY OCT. 15
We at WWE! have gone on the record with our willingness to fight any journalist in Cincinnati.* So it’s no surprise that we would certainly be willing to get in the octagon with an elderly public figure like Steve Chabot and beat him down like the weakling he is.

The same can’t be said of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, which today pulled more than $500,000 in advertising money for Chabot’s Democratic opponent Steve Driehaus. In response, Driehaus launched an ad campaign against the DCCC and started a Web site called “Act Blue,” which was later changed to sound less like his campaign was super sad about its inevitable loss to Chabot.

*Excludes those who are formally trained, weigh more than 150 pounds or are really mean or angry.

SATURDAY OCT. 16
Prima facie (pry-mah-FAY-shah): adj. “Latin for ‘at first look’ or ‘on its face,’ referring to a lawsuit or criminal prosecution in which the evidence before trial is sufficient to prove the case unless there is substantial contradictory evidence presented at trial.” If you’re the type of person who doesn’t appreciate having to consult law.com in order to determine what your elected representative is talking about, you’re going to be annoyed to hear the latest comments by Republican gubernatorial candidate John Kasich, who recently described the the proposed 3C rail line’s 39 mile-per-hour speed as “prima facie” evidence of its stupidity. The statement was quoted in a story about how the proposed passenger rail line is dead if Kasich wins in November and included an incorrect use of “ergo de facto” that Kasich did on purpose.

SUNDAY OCT. 17
If you were to ask a super rich person where he or she believes America’s best hotel to be located, the response would likely be either New York, Miami or one of the cities in California where drugs are legal. These answers would all be wrong, however, as our nation’s No. 1 hotel is the 21c Museum Hotel in Louisville! Whoot! Whoot! Whoot! The reason The Enquirer today reported the story is that the 21c owners are planning a similar hotel here in the soon-to-be gentrified renovated Metropole building on Walnut Street. Voters in the survey described the hotel’s art as crucial to the experience and said they look forward to visiting Cincinnati’s version once all the poor people are out of it.

MONDAY OCT. 18
Many people believe that it’s better to be safe than sorry. But would they feel the same way if it were trace amount of antibiotics they were receiving in not-yet-determined-to-be-dangerous amounts? The AP reported today that there’s no way to tell, really, but that there are indeed several drugs in the Scioto River system and treated drinking water in Columbus. Scientists say the amount of the drugs is thousands of times lower than more commonly detected pollutants but that the increasing amounts of antidepressants and birth control is alarming because people should really be completing their prescription cycles or they won’t work right.

TUESDAY OCT. 19
It’s difficult for most people to remember all of the Constitutional Amendments, but for every reasonable question about the Third Amendment there’s a debate over a well-known amendment that would make any proud American feel really uncomfortable. Such was the case today when Republican Senate nominee Christine O’Donnell questioned whether the Constitution actually called for a separation of church and state. When notified by Democrat Chris Coons that the First Amendment indeed bars Congress from making laws respecting the establishment of religion, O’Donnell said, “You’re telling me that’s in the First Amendment?” O’Donnell after the debate politely declined to clarify her views on the First Amendment but said she knew that the Second Amendment allows her husband to fuck people up if they come on their property.

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY: dcross@citybeat.com

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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