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Sept. 22-28: Worst Week Ever!

By Danny Cross · September 29th, 2010 · Worst Week Ever!
WEDNESDAY SEPT. 22

In today's digital world politicians have to be careful about what they say — there's no way to tell if a reporter is using a cell phone for Twitter or adjusting the recorder settings to better catch the things you say under your breath (sometimes they're just selling their Beanie Babies on eBay, which is no big deal). Ohio Democratic Party Chairman Chris Redfern today made a similar mistake at a Steelworkers Union hall when he assumed that a video camera was turned off since its operator was using her Blackberry. The consequent dropping of the F-bomb while describing those who oppose health-care reform was then widely distributed on TV and the Internet. Although Republicans quickly criticized him for using profanity, Redfern refused to apologize and said he's going back next week to let the steelworkers know how he really feels about Tea Party candidates.

THURSDAY SEPT. 23

With Democrats already resorting to curse words and childish antics like president-attended gubernatorial fundraisers during midterm elections, Republicans today moved ahead with a time-tested method of gaining popularity: making awesome-sounding promises. The AP today reported that Republicans have unveiled their “Pledge to America,” a promise to voters that if elected they will jam up the Dems even worse during the next two years than they have during the previous two. The pledge is similar to Republicans' 1994 "Contract with America" that included plans for limiting product-liability laws, reducing welfare programs and increasing prison funding. The current version includes pictures of Mount Rushmore, cowboys and a butcher shop where men can be men and no one tells anybody if you accidentally touch hands and then kiss.

FRIDAY SEPT. 24

It might sound surprising to anyone familiar with the 1937 Dr. Seuss book And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street that there exists in Cincinnati a real Mulberry Street (it's in Over-the-Rhine, and you shouldn't go there).

And because the localized version includes fewer make-believe monsters/more prostitutes it is much like America's current view of Sesame Street, which today was forced by public outcry to pull a sketch that involved too much of Pop singer Katy Perry's boobies. The banned sketch involved Perry singing her her hit song "Hot N Cold" while wearing a gold bustier top that some viewers of Sesame Street's YouTube channel found inappropriate. A rep for Perry said that Perry enjoyed taping the segment but that her shirt was much less inappropriate than Elmo repeatedly asking her to tickle him in the area where he's supposed to have genitals.

SATURDAY SEPT. 25

 If you're a scooter owner, then it's likely that you are a pretty smart person, as concerned with the environmental detriment associated with cars as the dangers of riding a motorcycle. That's why today's news of Cincinnati City Council's decision to add scooter parking spaces using speed bump money was a double bonus: more parking spaces; fewer crash-causing speed bumps. Administrators say the cost of adding boxes for scooters and motorcycles amounts to about $650 per space and will come out of the $192,000 speed bump fund. Councilman Chris Bortz, who introduced the motion, said $650 is not a lot of money on a city scale and then made a joke about the type of people who ride scooters that nobody laughed at.

SUNDAY SEPT. 26

Little Billy, 13, has football practice Tuesday through Thursday. His brother Jimmy, 8, has soccer practice Tuesday and Friday. Both boys play their games on weekends. What do their parents do together on Mondays? According to a new report, if they're good parents they're likely to sit Billy and Jimmy down for a family dinner to make sure they didn't do any drugs during the few hours of the week they were unsupervised. The Enquirer today detailed the report, which says that teens who have infrequent family dinners are more likely to use tobacco, alcohol and marijuana than kids who sit down with mom and dad five to seven times a week. The story then described several local families that regularly eat dinner together to demonstrate how well spoken the children are when talking to a reporter.

MONDAY SEPT. 27

We at WWE! rarely check our receipts to make sure we were charged the correct amount (hey, the money's gone now — might as well just enjoy the Zima without regret). But despite how badly we'd like to avoid speaking to a customer service professional about a $2 mischarge, a recent check of advertised prices by the Butler County Auditor’s Office Weights and Measures Division has found that stores are failing price checks more often than they're allowed. A recent check of advertised prices found that 21 out of 125 stores made more than the allowed 2 percent error, and of the 2,200 items checked 103 were overcharged (that's 4.7 percent). County Auditor Roger Reynolds said the overcharges weren't more common in any type of store but that it was a little weird how many rich people are willing to pay twice as much for auto parts just to avoid admitting they don't know what they're talking about.

TUESDAY SEPT. 28 

The Cincinnati Reds today probably won their first Central Division championship since 1995 when the St. Louis Cardinals lost to the Pittsburgh Pirates and/or the Reds defeated the Houston Astros. Should this not have occurred, it is expected to happen the following day or the next. Barry Larkin is my favorite player.


E-MAIL WORLD SERIES PREDICTIONS TO: dcross@citybeat.com


 
 
 
 

 

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