WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS?
 
Home · Articles · Columns · Worst Week Ever! · August 11-17: Worst Week Ever!

August 11-17: Worst Week Ever!

By Danny Cross · August 18th, 2010 · Worst Week Ever!
WEDNESDAY AUG. 11

There are things about Miami University that would surprise most people — from the school's No. 77-ranked undergraduate program to the amount of times Ben Roethlisberger actually paid for his 3 a.m. Jimmy John's when he went to school there. But for every surprisingly interesting fact about MU, there are observations like the one offered today by conservative group CampusReform, which was basically: "Y'all a buncha librels." The Enquirer today detailed the group's argument that the university suffers from liberal bias due to the outnumbering of liberal student groups (nine) to conservative ones (seven) and the faculty's political donations during the 2008 election. A Miami spokesperson defended the school's curricula, noting that people don't generally want to spend $20,000 a year learning stuff they hear every Thanksgiving from their ill-informed grandfather for free.

THURSDAY AUG. 12

They say competition brings out the best in people, but for those of us who don't know who “they” are it's kind of difficult to take their word for it. Luckily for them, Cincinnati's local TV stations are proving time and again that what one newscast can do, the others can do better. The Enquirer reported today that local early-morning viewers will soon have double the choices, as WCPO-TV (Ch 9) and WKRC-TV (Ch 12) are set to join the two stations currently occupying the 4:30 a.m. time slot. Channel 9 General Manager Bill Fee said there's an audience that needs its traffic, weather and news really early and that if challenged he is willing to show all the other stations how big his doppler is.

FRIDAY AUG. 13

Those of us who still occasionally stress our parents out with career-change-induced meltdowns and minor bouts of anxiety realize that we're a little old to be bothering them with such issues — they have their own stressors to manage now that they're on Facebook (how do I look at who my friends are?).

According to USA Today, such problems in adult children cause significant stress on a parent, as a new study of 633 parents and their 1,251 adult children — average ages: 50 and 25; most common problem: steroids — found that a majority of parents have at least one grown child with some type of relationship, family life or career issue. A similar survey is expected to be released next month proving that a majority of adult children with liberal arts degrees thought their parents were joking when they told them during high school what an engineer's salary is.

SATURDAY AUG. 14

When city leaders decided to double the parking meter rates downtown they knew there would be backlash – an angry phone call here, someone cracking a meter with a socket-wrench there. But according to Cincinnati parking superintendent Bob Schroer, there has been one unforeseen problem: The meters aren't big enough to hold twice as much money. Schroer, who declined to say how much change each meter can hold for fear of another Price Hill Socket-Wrench Riot (P.H.S.W.R. '73 messed up a lot of Chevelles), said the city is prepared to increase the number of days per week it collects the coins but that it would be really great if someone invented a machine that took credit cards and printed out parking receipts to stick on a car's window.

SUNDAY AUG. 15

It's one thing for Cincinnati and Hamilton County to lose residents to places like Portland, Ore. – do you know how many strip clubs public parks they have there? The Enquirer reported today that in addition to the progressive cities with awesome streetcars that steal our YPs, the local tax base is being further reduced by the (INSERT TGI FRIDAY'S REFERENCE HERE) that attract other people to Mason. New data shows that although the county has 6,000 fewer residents entering the city than the ones who like the sound of children screaming enough to live next to an amusement park, and the new people make an average of $4,000 less per year than those leaving. Economists say this trend is common to large, urban counties and the the worst cases result in urban areas losing funding for services nearly as fast as suburban towns can book Peter Frampton for holiday concerts.

MONDAY AUG. 16

It was once stated that George Bush doesn't care about black people, and while there's no way to know who first made this astute observation (someone from Texas who knew him personally?), a similarly heavy accusation has been aimed at Barack Obama. Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul today told viewers of a coal-appreciation event (seriously) that the president doesn't care about Kentucky. Paul said that the EPA should stay out of Kentucky's business and then promised that if elected he will oppose all of Obama's policies until he starts smoking cigarettes in public again.

TUESDAY AUG. 17

When it comes to representing oneself via the symbolic decoration of a letter of the alphabet you can't be too careful – the slightest mistake can turn the Latin word dicere into something with an entirely different meaning. That's why Xavier University hired a marketing and communications firm to redesign a new logo, one which exemplifies the tradition, academic excellence and prestige of the school without accidentally insulting anyone. The new logo is a dark blue, metallic silver and white “X” on a shield with the three petals that represent faith, chivalry and the wisdom that comes from flexibly scheduled business classes.


TO EXPRESS CONCERN OR REGRET: dcross@citybeat.com



 
 
 
 

 

comments powered by Disqus
 
Close
Close
Close